*sigh*..

[lastlife_]

I wanted to be gone by last week. I felt like I was mentally prepared to say "fuck it, I'm done" and do it, but I couldn't get the chance to be alone. My family kept making plans with me and there's only so many excuses I can make before they notice something is up and become suspicious. I don't have enough money to live anymore so I can't continue to procrastinate my death because it's only going to make things harder, not just for me but I don't want to become a burden on others.

I always imagined my death would occur during the evening/night as it would give me the day to prep whatever I needed to and build up the courage, but I can't seem to be alone during the evenings these days. I guess it's better if I do it in the morning or during the day as it seems to be the only time I get to myself as everyone else is busy/working. I have approximately 7 days before my last bill goes out and then I officially have no money left. I've procrastinated as long as I have because I had the funds to sustain myself but I can't afford to delay it any longer.

 

[albino_elk]

at least you have parents

 

[lastlife_]

at least you have parents

?

 

[albino_elk]

?

family

 

[FuneralCry]

I can imagine it must be frustrating being in that situation. Ctb can be very difficult as other people can easily get in the way and interrupt our plans. I understand wanting to leave before things get worse. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[lastlife_]

family

Right, but having a family doesn't inherently make things better.. in some ways it can make things worse because you may not want to let them down or disappoint them. Many people who have committed suicide have families, some even have their own children so I don't understand why that's important - sorry.

 

[albino_elk]

Right, but having a family doesn't inherently make things better.. in some ways it can make things worse because you may not want to let them down or disappoint them. Many people who have committed suicide have families, some even have their own children so I don't understand why that's important - sorry.

i dunno. in my eyes family sounds nice. for example if you get fucked so hard that you have no where to go,you can go to your family and theyll accept u cuz you are theirs,you are them. facing shameful things is another thing

 

[lastlife_]

i dunno. in my eyes family sounds nice. for example if you get fucked so hard that you have no where to go,you can go to your family and theyll accept u cuz you are theirs,you are them. facing shameful things is another thing

That's a very general way of thinking and quite unrealistic. Family doesn't always mean they're there for you and will do anything for you, and even if you're in a shit situation and they accept you, depending on whether you have motivation to live or you want to die, can you really live comfortably being a burden on them? Mentally, emotionally and financially? Everyone is different but personally, I can't do that. Some families are great, sure, but at the end of the day they're still people who can be good or bad, caring or not, they have their own limitations and have their own plans and path. As many parents are there are out there who would happily have their child come back home if they were experiencing difficulties, there's just as many who would refuse to help or have them back home.

 

[Interloper]

you can go to your family and theyll accept u cuz you are theirs

Hahaha.