SI is the worst

[som1]

I know I will ctb in the future but at the moment I should ctb in a month. My life will never get better and I really don't want it to get better. Even if I found an easy solution I don't want it. Life is pointless and long and only results in suffering. The reason that I have to do it in a month is that if I don't I will start work. I signed a contract cause I'm stupid and now I am forced to work in a month. I used to hate architecture sooooo bad in school. The stress of it put me into too much pain and I was crying all the time. I couldn't handle it. And now I'm being forced to work for 9 months. I just want to overcome SI I tell my self that I'm saving my self alot of trouble but my SI doesn't listen. I'm so scared. I don't want to work. I really can't work.

 

[AnestheticVoid]

Is work the main reason you want to ctb?

 

[whatevs]

Why don't you want things to improve?

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are in this situation. I can relate to your feelings about life, I do not want to struggle for decades, I would just rather not exist. Nothing would ever make me want to live. I know that it can be awful dreading the future. Knowing that only suffering lies ahead can be a horrible feeling. This life can be very exhausting and I know that it can be hard to carry on when you are tired of everything. I wish you the best.

 

[whatevs]

I respect your wish to die and hope that you are free to act as you see more fit. But I still think you have never experienced happiness if you still wanted to die at that "joyful period" of your life.

 

[som1]

I respect your wish to die and hope that you are free to act as you see more fit. But I still think you have never experienced happiness if you still wanted to die at that "joyful period" of your life.

No I think I was happy but I thought it never going to last.