I'll keep this really simple. Do yall think it would be better to break up with my bf and cut off contact before CTB, or to continue the relationship up to the end? I love my bf and I want to spend the rest of my very short life with him but I'm wondering how to make the transition as easy as possible for him. On one hand, I love him dearly and don't want him to feel like I don't by breaking up with him, but on the other, maybe it would be easier for him when I eventually do CTB if we broke up? Thoughts?
As a man, if I were infatuated with you and you broke up with me out of the blue, I'd be devastated. To then hear of your death as well, would be even worse.
Doing it during the relationship, would make me question whether I'd done something wrong and/or if I could've done something to prevent it, and could have long term psychological problems, especially if it were me that found you or something.
Realistically, there is no right answer here, he will be hurt either way. My only suggestion is maybe having a conversation with him. If you love him as much as you say you do, you should be able to speak to him about anything, and tell him how you are feeling. I guess it depends how fixated you are on CTBing and whether you want him to fight your corner with you. It's a very sensitive topic, and I do hope you find some silver lining in it all.
Everyone is different though, and I can only speak from my own emotions and understanding.
Doing it during the relationship, would make me question whether I'd done something wrong and/or if I could've done something to prevent it, and could have long term psychological problems, especially if it were me that found you or something.
Realistically, there is no right answer here, he will be hurt either way. My only suggestion is maybe having a conversation with him. If you love him as much as you say you do, you should be able to speak to him about anything, and tell him how you are feeling. I guess it depends how fixated you are on CTBing and whether you want him to fight your corner with you. It's a very sensitive topic, and I do hope you find some silver lining in it all.
Everyone is different though, and I can only speak from my own emotions and understanding.
That's a lot of good thoughts! I hadn't really considered telling him about all this stuff before doing it for fear that he'd try to stop me. But you're right. Maybe if I explain it to him in a somewhat nonpartisan manner why I feel the way I do (and that its not his fault) it would be easier. Cuz at the end of the day CTB is a backup plan for me. If I can get the medical care I need for my physical body, there'd be no need to CTB. But if I can't get it cuz the government bans it or sumn I will. Maybe its worth telling him that too? And letting him know what situations I'd actually do it in?? Maybe? I kinda feel bad for making him care about me when I already knew I planned all this out. But he truly does make me happy.
I think he deserves to know, you care about him so deeply which is obvious to see. And so, having his support, should encourage you to seek better alternatives (I'm pro-choice).
I'm sure he'll be aware that it's not his fault, but just a biproduct of something more impactful that he probably doesn't even realise is there. I wonder if it will spark some sort of "urgency" between you both, to get a resolution sooner than later? If there are 2 people arguing for help, vs 1 - that's double the power!
I hope the conversation goes well if you decide to talk to him, otherwise, I hope that you're able to get the medical care you need, so you can live the life you deserve
I've thought about this as well before!
It's a really tough spot to be in I think. I've had a partner CTB while we were together (technically we'd been broken up for about 20 minutes). It was pretty devastating, but I think a lot of it had to do with the circumstances surrounding (she did it on the phone with me and actively told me it was my fault). But I've also been in the shoes of contemplating CTB but being worried about how my partner would be affected.
I've been suicidal for a while, and there was definitely a the time I also think I thought breaking up would help. My views on taking my own life haven't really changed, but my position on the breaking up thing has definitely evolved. If the timeline is such that they'll still like, care about you, when you do it, then I don't think it will help them much. Sending them a well written note (explaining it's not their fault, telling them you love them, telling them they don't owe you anything, etc.) is really really important anyways, and so if you send them a note after you ctb, they're gonna have to suspect the breakup was just to make some distance so it hurt less. And then I think it will just spark the thought of why they didn't see the breakup as a 'sign' something was wrong. Which is the exact kind of thought pattern (them blaming themselves) that we were trying to avoid. I think if you're aiming to minimize damage, a breakup probably won't help much, and it'll just end up robbing you and them of the final good moments of your life.
As for whether you should tell your partner, that's another dilemma I can relate to! The worry of him stopping you, or 'caring about you' (IE worrying) is very relatable. I also worried that telling a partner I was suicidal would essentially be emotional blackmail, because it would make them act differently out of fear for my life. But, in the end, if he loves you then he definitely wants to know. And your situation seems like the kind of thing where having two minds could be better then one. It's scary, but if there's even a chance that he could help you, then you have to know that he'd take that chance a million times over. Whether you think it's worth it to tell him still is up to you, but it's definitely at least worth considering.
Similar threads
Suicide Discussion
SilentEclipse
