Should I ctb? Inner turmoil...

[foggy]

I am very suicidal. I have been suicidal for 10 years with very few breaks in between. I have depression, anxiety, autism, borderline personality disorder, PTSD, some form of plurality that might just be the BPD but not sure (a psych hasn't diagnosed me) and an eating disorder. I don't want to recover from all this, nor do I think I can. I want to ctb but I'm having second thoughts. Part of me wants to just go to the emergency room and have them hold me for a bit, maybe then things will get better. But I know they won't. Things will never get better for me. I guess I'm just venting, but I'm also asking for advice. Is recovery possible? I didn't post this in the recovery forum because I thought it might be triggering. But is there a way out, besides death? I've been trying, so hard, to recover for a decade, and nothing's come of it. I'm still in the same place i was when I was a teenager. I think it's better for me to just ctb... I dont like who I am, what my life is, what I do, or anything about me. I want this life to be over.

 

[Jrmull1993]

@foggy

If you have any uncertainty about exiting life early, I suggest you wait it off or seek temporary treatment.

 

[TheLastK]

I don't think anyone here would encourage someone to ctb, nor should they. I know exactly where you're coming from and what I want to say o you from my empathetic side is that everything will be ok and support will be there for you. However, I recognize that I am in a similar situation as yourself in many ways (share a few diagnoses) and what I would tell myself is that it is a matter of choice that only the person themselves can make. Maybe you just want to gesture ctb to loved ones, I know I have wanted to, to see if there is any way out of this and that someone can help, there is no shame in that. So no, I don't think you should ctb, even though I come from the same place you do

 

[FuneralCry]

I feel like only you can make that decision, as it's your life after all and only you know what is best. I'm sorry that you have suffered for so long. This life can be really tiring and I understand the feeling of just wishing that everything would end. I hope that in whatever you decide, you find relief. Best wishes.

 

[foggy]

Thank you everyone for your responses. I think I'm going to check myself into a psych ward. Not ideal, but I either am going to ctb tonight or go to the hospital to prevent it. It's eminent. I am having doubts, which is why I'm deciding this way. I know unfortunately that the feeling will come back. But at least the hospital will keep me safe for a few days.

 

[TheLastK]

Thank you everyone for your responses. I think I'm going to check myself into a psych ward. Not ideal, but I either am going to ctb tonight or go to the hospital to prevent it. It's eminent. I am having doubts, which is why I'm deciding this way. I know unfortunately that the feeling will come back. But at least the hospital will keep me safe for a few days.

Sounds like the best way forward. Hope everything works out there. Psych wards can be tough but there can be benefits to it depending on what country you live in and how good the ward itself is. Best of luck regardless.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I don't think anyone here would encourage someone to ctb, nor should they. I know exactly where you're coming from and what I want to say o you from my empathetic side is that everything will be ok and support will be there for you. However, I recognize that I am in a similar situation as yourself in many ways (share a few diagnoses) and what I would tell myself is that it is a matter of choice that only the person themselves can make. Maybe you just want to gesture ctb to loved ones, I know I have wanted to, to see if there is any way out of this and that someone can help, there is no shame in that. So no, I don't think you should ctb, even though I come from the same place you do

One needs to be very careful who they tell about intentions to ctb. Doing that can put you in involuntary confinement.

 

[Jrmull1993]

One needs to be very careful who they tell about intentions to ctb. Doing that can put you in involuntary confinement.

Adding onto @locked*n*loaded 's post:

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...uly-2022-on-exit-international-website.96477/

 

[TheLastK]

One needs to be very careful who they tell about intentions to ctb. Doing that can put you in involuntary confinement.

Completely agree, I'm saying that there is no shame in wanting to say it. I personally wouldn't tell anyone.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Completely agree, I'm saying that there is no shame in wanting to say it. I personally wouldn't tell anyone.

I completely agree there's no shame in wanting to say it.

 

[Regrets]

Well, you are unsure wether you want to do it or not, so I guess you should hold on a bit and wait for the turmoil to pass. We can get really impulsive during those times.