Should I break up with my partner if I'm going to CTB soon?

[My Melancholy]

I'm making plans to CTB soon, but I feel guilty that my partner has to deal with me. They're aware that I feel like this, but I'm not sure if they know how deep it goes. I've asked them several times before if they'd rather I break up with them before I CTB, but they just say they'd rather I don't CTB at all. We don't discuss it any further and we go back to whatever we were doing previously. I feel bad that they're with someone like me, but they never bring up having any adverse feelings towards it unless I directly ask. They've said they don't see me being suicidal as a reason to break up, but I feel like I'm draining them even if they don't say anything. I just don't know what to do.

 

[ineed2die]

tyea

 

[StrawberryRed]

I'm making plans to CTB soon, but I feel guilty that my partner has to deal with me. They're aware that I feel like this, but I'm not sure if they know how deep it goes. I've asked them several times before if they'd rather I break up with them before I CTB, but they just say they'd rather I don't CTB at all. We don't discuss it any further and we go back to whatever we were doing previously. I feel bad that they're with someone like me, but they never bring up having any adverse feelings towards it unless I directly ask. They've said they don't see me being suicidal as a reason to break up, but I feel like I'm draining them even if they don't say anything. I just don't know what to do.

I've been chronically single my whole life so take this with a grain of salt. Honestly I dont think you should break up, it would kinda be like rubbing salt in the wound. Like am extra layer of, Did they love me? Did they mean to break with me or was it to protect me? Did I contribute, did they hate me that much? Stuff like that already over the regular conflicting feelings someone would have. At the end of the day it doesn't really make anyone feel better. Honestly best case scenario I think you tell them transparently, they seem very open to ur suicidaliaty already. How do u think they would react???

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

If I was in a relationship, I think I'd just make up some lie like "I'm going on a long vacation". I personally don't see the need to add drama if it is someone I care about.
But on the other hand, if there were logical reasons the relationship wouldn't work out long-term anyway, I would break up in advance, yes (e.g. you want kids - I don't - makes no sense to carry on - bye).

 

[nothingbutmybest]

If they break up then find out, they will be even more sad if they cared about you. It will hurt but if you care, then you should decide whether you really want to follow through with this.

 

[My Melancholy]

If I was in a relationship, I think I'd just make up some lie like "I'm going on a long vacation". I personally don't see the need to add drama if it is someone I care about.
But on the other hand, if there were logical reasons the relationship wouldn't work out long-term anyway, I would break up in advance, yes (e.g. you want kids - I don't - makes no sense to carry on - bye).

Do you think the lie would hurt them more than the truth?

I've been chronically single my whole life so take this with a grain of salt. Honestly I dont think you should break up, it would kinda be like rubbing salt in the wound. Like am extra layer of, Did they love me? Did they mean to break with me or was it to protect me? Did I contribute, did they hate me that much? Stuff like that already over the regular conflicting feelings someone would have. At the end of the day it doesn't really make anyone feel better. Honestly best case scenario I think you tell them transparently, they seem very open to ur suicidaliaty already. How do u think they would react???

That's why I keep going back and forth about it. I don't want them to think it's because of them because it's not. I just don't want to drag them down with me, but I don't know if they see it that way.

If they break up then find out, they will be even more sad if they cared about you. It will hurt but if you care, then you should decide whether you really want to follow through with this.

I hope that they'll find someone else to be with.

 

[theolivanderroach]

I've asked them several times before if they'd rather I break up with them before I CTB, but they just say they'd rather I don't CTB at all.

You breaking up with them would signal you're about to CTB imo

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Absolutely. For both of your own goods.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Breakups hurt and can destroy your partner, CTB can be devastating for your partner. Ultimately, it's your personal decision when you want to CTB. Either ways, someone will have to suffer - that is inevitable in this case. I'm sorry you have to go through this.

 

[no.one]

someone will have to suffer - that is inevitable in this case.

I agree with you. I am single and have been for a while (my own choice) but if it were me, and i was certain that i'd be CTB in the near future, i would force myself to have the best time with my partner, so they have lots of happy memories. would that backfire? maybe, with the whole saying "the happiest people sometimes are the most broken" or whatever it is. but in the end, those happy memories will still be there with them. you could even leave a note explaining why you wanted to hide the sadness and leave them with happy memories.

But like everyone has said, in the end... its really what you choose to do. this is your life, so even though its a hard decision it is yours alone to make. we will all be here for you no matter what though!

 

[yakhriv]

Depends on when you are planning to do it.
Within a few months? It doesn't really matter whether you break up with them or not, it will hurt just the same.
More than a year? Probably breaking up with him would be less painful for them.

 

[AuroraB]

Maybe stop discussing it with him at all because...preventionism??

 

[nomoredolor]

I've asked similar questions on this website because I worry that I'm getting someone more attached to me just to pull the rug out from under them when I ctb.

That being said.. if my partner broke up with me before they ctb I would have a whole extra layer of devastation and heartbreak and questions. They may grieve easier if you remain partners. Anna

You breaking up with them would signal you're about to CTB imo

I completely agree with this. It may make them very suspicious based on prior convos.

i would force myself to have the best time with my partner, so they have lots of happy memories.

Same. Absolutely same.

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

Do you think the lie would hurt them more than the truth?

Depends on the person I suppose. They'd probably never find out the truth anyway, or the full truth. At least if they believe the lie, it may help them grieve easier, I think. Someone did something similar to me once (not ctb related though), and this kind of an "ethical breakup" helped me a ton. They told me they were going away for a while and by the time I realized they were never coming back, I had already processed things and gotten used to them not being in my life.

 

[undecidedfool]

Depends on when you are planning to do it.

I absolutely agree with this.
If you're still unsure and have no other reason to leave your partner, stay with them and enjoy your time together as much as possible. Same goes even if you are sure and have a closer date in mind. As many others mentioned, it'd raise so many questions for your partner that they'd never get an answer to.
If you're set on it and have a date in mind that's further out, then I'd say leaving them would be the more ethical way to handle it. It would give them time to cope with you leaving their life before you ctb.

Regardless, I hope you can enjoy life for as long as possible, but I understand the urge to rest.

 

[My Melancholy]

<3I very much appreciate everyone's comments!<3

For added context that I neglected to include, this is my first relationship and I really have no idea what I'm doing. I guess the thing that keeps me going back and forth is having the company in my final stretch. Though selfish it is, it's been nice being around someone. I've had friends with partners who had emotional reactions one way or the other. My partner, to me, feels more relaxed about it than most people I've spoken about regarding the subject. Obviously, I know that they care and would probably be sad, but in the moment they don't seem to dwell on it and it's calming not having someone shouting PSAs at me or trying to get me committed. I know it's not fair to comment on their emotions because I'm not them, but I feel like they wouldn't be as sad as other people I know. For selfish reasons, it does make me upset at times, but for other reasons I like the fact that there's a good chance for them to go on and live a happy life without them having to be weighed down by the memory of me.

 

[Jeebo5021]

They are still going to get sad, no matter what you do. From what you tell me, it is obvious they care deeply for you. They have been there for you when you are suicidal. I can foresee that there is a chance that they will still want to be with you and/or try to stop you, even if you do break up with them.

 

[My Melancholy]

Maybe stop discussing it with him at all because...preventionism??

Could you expand on this?

 

[HeartThatFeeds]

This is honestly such a hard question to answer, my fiancé never ended things with me when he took his own life and when he expressed concerns for my own wellbeing he told me he'd much rather me just break up with him than take my own life, though the situation is much different compared to yours considering his attempt was much more impulsive, I honestly don't know if I'd rather him break up with me and do it or just stay in the relationship, either way would of hurt, either way would of had me feeling like this so I'm not sure

 

[przeciwwymiotne]

I'm making plans to CTB soon, but I feel guilty that my partner has to deal with me. They're aware that I feel like this, but I'm not sure if they know how deep it goes. I've asked them several times before if they'd rather I break up with them before I CTB, but they just say they'd rather I don't CTB at all. We don't discuss it any further and we go back to whatever we were doing previously. I feel bad that they're with someone like me, but they never bring up having any adverse feelings towards it unless I directly ask. They've said they don't see me being suicidal as a reason to break up, but I feel like I'm draining them even if they don't say anything. I just don't know what to do.

I'd tell them how deep it goes at first. So that they know everything

 

[AuroraB]

Could you expand on this?

Almost anyone who loves us and wants us around is going to try to PREVENT us from leaving. So if we talk about it, they will intervene. Could get dangerous including being involuntarily hospitalized against one's will.

 

[My Melancholy]

Almost anyone who loves us and wants us around is going to try to PREVENT us from leaving. So if we talk about it, they will intervene. Could get dangerous including being involuntarily hospitalized against one's will.

I know that they're against me trying to CTB, but I don't believe that they would actually try to intervene or at least not to great extent. They disagree with me, but they said that they ultimately can't stop me if it's what I want to do.

 

[AuroraB]

I know that they're against me trying to CTB, but I don't believe that they would actually try to intervene or at least not to great extent. They disagree with me, but they said that they ultimately can't stop me if it's what I want to do.

let us know what you decide. take good care.