Self Harming?

[tilsleepcomes]

Anyone ever hurt themselves as a build up to CTB? Or maybe to feel something other than suicidal?

I have had physical pain on my mind as a relief from the emotional pain. I think of emo kids cutting when I think of it, but I'm seriously looking for a relief in the interim til I CTB.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I attempted it as a call for help, after repeated calls for help in relation to ctb, but it was difficult and I wasn't able to SH. I've talked about it in the distant past when feeling trapped or that everything is crumbling, also in relation to ctb, but never actually done it. I'm not a natural SH for sure. It would've been easier to do probably when I suffered more physical abuse.

edit to add: as with below poster I don't think it's a good idea. Last resort for me and I reasoned out that it wouldn't do me any favours with trying to get help, nor was it necessary.

 

[self.destractive]

i've been a cutter since age 14. i wouldn't say it's a way to build up to CTB, or makes me want to CTB more. its really different for everyone though, personally though my self-injury is completely separate from my suicidality.

i really don't recommend turning to self-injury. it can turn into something resembling a full blown addiction if you aren't careful, and it can make your interpersonal relationships strained. i'm not sure of the exact science, but it does give you a little bit of a ""high"". it never lasts long though, and soon youre just left at square one. the stigma around self-injury is also not a great one! people take one look at my scars and think im emo or think im trying to manipulate other people/get attention, when in reality i do it because it feels good to me and calms me down. it really sucks and its awkward! i really really dont recommend it.
its a really tough habit to kick and a really tough habit to hide to boot! i know you intend of CTBing sometime soon, so you may think you don't have much to lose, but in the event that things get pushed off, you could be left with a new longterm problem on top of whatever youre already dealing with

 

[Hollowman]

I don't cut but I have a long history of punching myself.

 

[hellispink]

I self harm because it makes me feel calmer. I am addicted to it and I have a lot of scars on my wrist. I do it to avoid myself from acting impulsively and failing.

 

[AloneInCollege]

I don't cut but I have a long history of punching myself.

Me too

 

[FireWalkWithMe]

Never. I don't think it would be any kind of coping mechanism for me. It's more of an all or nothing situation.

 

[spacehardware]

I stopped self harming nearly two years ago. It was a full-blown addiction for me, and it got completely out of control. What started as tiny scratches when I was a teenager progressed into gaping wounds in my twenties that I regularly needed stitches or staples for. When eventually even that wasn't enough, I started to bloodlet. It was so incredibly fucked up but I was so absorbed in the addiction that to me it was dangerously normalised.

Looking back I feel guilty about my use of the NHS, blood transfusions, iron infusions, etc. I was so caught up in it. I am actually surprised that I ever managed to stop to be honest, as it was such an ingrained coping mechanism for me. And thinking about it, I think I'm more suicidal now that I don't self harm anymore, it served as a temporary measure that dampened my pain, and I don't have that now.

 

[rainwillneverstop]

I don't self harm to build up to CBT, I do it as punishment or to feel something else than whatever I feel.

I use a scissor because it doesn't leave permanent scares or need stiching, just enough to make you feel the sting afterwards.
I do it on my thigh because the next couple of days you can feel it as the wound rubs against your jeans. And nobody will ever see it.
Or I start to fast or eat only a tiny bit of calories a day.

Shit is so addictive once I get started, it can be difficult to get out of it again...

 

[cordolium]

ive been clean for almost 3 months but i dont recommend it. everyone will stare at your scars and try to act like theyre not. i was addicted for almost 2 years starting in 7th grade. did it off and on for a while but this past october i was out of control. i would do it and end up passing out from blood loss. i would do it for no reason or if i was just bored for some reason. its like a part of your brain has taken control and its out of your hands. i really dont think anyone should start sh. its almost a way to keep yourself alive. an option thats always there instead of going to suicide.

 

[☆AwaitingEntropy☆]

I've self harmed off and on for years, and did so again just this week. It's too calming for me to let go of.

But of course, I would never ever recommend it. There's always risk of doing unintended, permanent damage, along with the added danger of it becoming an addiction.