Self harm?

[ifiweretopickascene]

Hi, I am looking just for a simple answer. I am trying to carve a reminder into my arm, I have only managed to get the e at the end of the word deep enough without throwing up. I don't plan to take all the pain away in the process, just enough for my body not to force me to quit. I have only access to Excedrin and lidocaine/novacaine whatever gel for teeth. I don't have ability to carry out further plans because should I now before my mother dies which will hopefully be many years not only would she be likely to take her own life but also I might take up her spot in the family plot and idk how to ask how much room there is without being suspicious. I need her to be able to be buried where she wants to be buried because she needs to be with her father. I can't do that to her. For now then, I want to carry the reminder so that I won't forget why. How can I make it bearable enough that my body won't force me to quit so I can get deep enough? I want keloids and I've only managed to get one letter to keloid. I feel like a failure and like I don't really mean it, and it's important that I understand this is what I am. Will this gel or Excedrin make it bearable enough or do I need something else? No substances please. I will never go back to that.

 

[Smart No More]

Have you considered a tattoo?

 

[ifiweretopickascene]

Have you considered a tattoo?

Yeah I'd love to but I'm disabled there's no feasible way for me to afford it honestly, I feel like that'd be much easier

 

[Smart No More]

There's always the home/prison tattoo option. Not ideal but better than cutting too deep.

"

 

[ifiweretopickascene]

There's always the home/prison tattoo option. Not ideal but better than cutting too deep.

"

True, I never thought of that. Thank you