Self-harm vs Just Not Giving a Shit

[Celerity]

I used to hit myself a lot when I was disappointed with myself. Nowadays, I just don't have the energy. Getting angry at what I do or don't do is like cursing the sky for being cruel when it rains - futile and ascribing agency where there is none.

There are just some things I do because IDGAF anymore. I'm currently seeking an Rx for stims. I don't plan on getting high with it (yet) and, when I've taken it before, it made me very tense and turned me into a mild insomniac. However, it also has the added benefit of murdering my sex drive and giving me the focus I need to get my housekeeping out of the way before I CTB, so it'll do just fine.

I already feel like shit, so the anger and anxiety the stims will give me will just change the flavor of the shit sundae I'm already eating.

Can anyone who used to self-harm relate? I just don't see the point in the ritual anymore. SH doesn't release tension, and I don't feel like I "deserve" it somehow.

 

[WornOutLife]

I've never been into physical self-harm but I used to hurt myself mentally.
I loved cursing myself all the time and telling my mind the worst negative stuff ever.

From what I've read, in the end, self-harm is like a drug and only makes you feel worse so, I think it's good you're not doing it anymore.

Hope you can feel better soon!

Hugs and love,

Matt

 

[Life_and_Death]

i think i can relate. while my disorders were telling me to cut i fucked up, physically i just didnt feel like it. i basically had to force myself to. so now im in a state of "meh. if i do i do if i dont i dont"

 

[Celerity]

I've never been into physical self-harm but I used to hurt myself mentally.
I loved cursing myself all the time and telling my mind the worst negative stuff ever.

From what I've read, in the end, self-harm is like a drug and only makes you feel worse so, I think it's good you're not doing it anymore.

Hope you can feel better soon!

Hugs and love,

Matt

SH never made me feel better. I could never relate to the research on it. At most, it was an outlet for my anger since it's not socially acceptable to hit other people, and it gets expensive to replace shit all the time.

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

I used to punch myself so hard, tyler durden style. A good thing about my peeking anhedonia is I don't find pleasure (or whatever that was) even in pain anymore.

 

[motel rooms]

A good thing about my peeking anhedonia is I don't find pleasure (or whatever that was) even in pain anymore.

Punch a rude customer today

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

Punch a rude customer today

Lol, good tip. But I it won't be necessary. No one will dare to provoke me after I penetrate their soul with my death stare

 

[motel rooms]

Lol, good tip. But I it won't be necessary. No one will dare to provoke me after I penetrate their soul with my death stare

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]