s/h

[abruptum]

so its been around 2-3 weeks since i have seriously self harmed, i mean that along the terms of cutting, forced burning/branding myself. I still had fits where I would end up hitting myself or stuff of that sorts but to be a good while without anything serious was feeling quite nice. But recently its just been all so hard and life today was just numb. I just had to sit in my shower and cry on the floor until eventually i realized today i was going to have to self harm in order to move on since i have a final exam i have to study for tonight.
Its maybe the deepest ive cut and the most ive burned myself in one session but for some reason after every cut or every burn my body still just couldnt get enough. It was like there wasnt any pain, there wasnt any gratification. Finally it hit me only after longer than i shouldve been hurting myself did i finally get the reward my body was craving.
It sucks to have done it, and im not proud because i didnt do a good job of covering the marks but i just didnt know how else i was going to move on with my day.
Im not trying to brag or share my expiernece for anyone to care i just dont know if im actually losing it and going crazy.
I just want my brain to stop

 

[I-can-only-imagine]

Think of it as just a road bump - you managed 2-3 weeks which is awesome! Just because you hit the bump, doesn't mean you have failed. It just means that tomorrow is another day to keep trying. Just make sure you follow the correct aftercare and keeping it clean.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm so sorry you are going through this, our minds do like to torture us. Self harming isn't a sign of going crazy, it is an physical way to relieve emotions. It isn't a sign of failure even know you feel like it. If you can survive without self harming then hopefully you can be free again.I wish you the best.