Help Running away from home or cbt

[Avyn]

Hey guys, this is my first post on this forum and I am happy I have found you. I found a lot of helpful information and Im grateful I was accepted.
So... to my story... I am a 19 year old female with a very strict, verbally abusive, overprotective mother, ever since I was a child.

I used to cut myself in the past and most of the times got a beating for it, I was hoping that once I become an adult and I am older, things would change, but they didn't.

I am not allowed to go outside unless I have a good reason to do so
I am not allowed to have any friends irl she doesnt know of and approve of
My mother has access to my bank account, it is somehow linked to hers, and she always gets a message after I would make a purchase
She forced me to go to university threatening me to make a scene and drama if I didnt, even though I wanted to take a year off to think and work, get to know life a bit.
I am not allowed to use the money on my card anymore, she lashed out on me a while ago because I bought snacks worth 5-10$.
She also doesnt allow me to have any online friends or talk to people online, but she stopped stalking my activity and trying to figure out who i talk to

This doesnt feel to me like I am living, its more like i am stuck in prison in my own room doing nothing all day, I signed up for a course in uni that I dont like because I didnt have time to think and make up my mind. I am planning to run away or cbt, I cant take this anymore. I have always been very depressed and all of my friends irl i used to have never believed me anything I told them about my strict mother because she was "nice" to them.
I dont have any money, so my boyfriend i met online would like to help me out move to his place, but the problem is i have never met him before and I know him for a year.
My mother would never want me to have a boyfriend, and after I told her about him she was very disappointed and keeps making disrespectful comments about him from time to time. He treats me very well and has never done anything bad to me, never even got angry at me. But I dont know if i should take this risk or just cbt instead.
I dont know what to do and how to get away and im asking for your advice, thank you. Also... she told me she will keep controlling me forever since she doesnt want me to move out, unless I get married, so im fucked for a long time

also i tried contacting CPS but they said they cant get me away from my home since im not getting physically abused, so id rather not like to contact authorities again

 

[megafire]

it sounds like you want to escape over anything, so maybe hold off on the ctb. you deserve a life where you make your own decisions and feel those ramifications. do you have a job? if not, that could be your first excuse to get out of your room and her home. as you are now legally an adult, you can set up your own bank account and directly deposit all of your money in there.

 

[Avyn]

it sounds like you want to escape over anything, so maybe hold off on the ctb. you deserve a life where you make your own decisions and feel those ramifications. do you have a job? if not, that could be your first excuse to get out of your room and her home. as you are now legally an adult, you can set up your own bank account and directly deposit all of your money in there.

No I dont have a job, but cbt is my last resort in case something goes wrong. Right after i finished HS i signed up for uni, it was after corona happened and with no experience it is impossible right now to find work. Also.. my mother doesnt want me to work either. She would make a big scene out of it and break my shit if i do things against her will. I dont want to get thrown out either as idk anyone irl