Venting Risking 2 years in prison for helping family member to MAID with debilitating condition

[tooafraidtodiez]

So i have these condition which make me 90% sure i will CTB
Retinitis pigmentosa (tunnel vision) which will eventually progress into blindness, back pain due to my RP it makes work hellish due to bad eyesight/back pain . My life is borderline impossible. I failed my SN attemot due to fear, after taking the benzo i laid down and within 10 min i felt asleep i was supposed to drink SN in 10 min but felt asleep before that. Before taking SN i felt my chest thumping hard and felt like it was being squeezed. After taking benzo and meto that feeling subsided. Scariness level is 9/10 which made me reconsider doing it again. So i look up the only alternative available to me Athanasios and i might be eligible, i have post encepalithis record and retinitis pigmentosa record as well. If i can get diagnosis for my anxiety from my psychiatrist i might be eligible for VAD. But heres the problem, in my country law it is stated that "assisting" suicide including helping with document or accompanying the patient risk imprisonment 2-4 years. No exception even if the patient is vegetable after falling off building, a whole lot of sht isnt it. So if i can somehow convince my parents, i need to get diagnosis from my psychiatrist first and then my parents'd need to talk with a lawyer. If imprisonment is on the table, im forced to go with SN. Since i cant access the other method. Yay my luck is just so great where im born, my diseases etc.

 

[unluckysadness]

So i have these condition which make me 90% sure i will CTB
Retinitis pigmentosa (tunnel vision) which will eventually progress into blindness, back pain due to my RP, severe anxiety when meeting people (headache) even when picking up food or going to groceries, let alone work. My life is borderline impossible. I failed my SN attemot due to fear, after taking the benzo i laid down and within 10 min i felt asleep i was supposed to drink SN in 10 min but felt asleep before that. Before taking SN i felt my chest thumping hard and felt like it was being squeezed. After taking benzo and meto that feeling subsided. Scariness level is 9/10 which made me reconsider doing it again. So i look up the only aternative available to me Athanasios and i might be eligible, i have post encepalithis record and retinitis pigmentosa record as well. If i can get diagnosis for my anxiety from my psychiatrist i might be eligible for VAD. But heres the problem, in my country law it is stated that "assisting" suicide including helping with document or accompanying the patient risk imprisonment 2-4 years. No exception even if the patient is vegetable after falling off building, a whole lot of sht isnt it. So if i can somehow convince my parents, i need to get diagnosis from my psychiatrist first and then my parents'd need to talk with a lawyer. If imprisonment is on the table, im forced to go with SN. Since i cant access the other method. Yay my luck is just so great where im born, my diseases etc.

So sorry for your situation but thanks for sharing your experience. I'm sure you're 99% eligible because of your severe health condition. May I ask you how much benzos (and which one) did you take ? I plan to take 300mg diazepam. Falling asleep before taking SN is one of my biggest fear with this method (I don't want to wake up in psych ward). I always wanted to know if you can get injuries after benzos overdose. Benzos should relieve anxiety, but if I understand well, it did the complete opposite to you ?

 

[tooafraidtodiez]

So sorry for your situation but thanks for sharing your experience. I'm sure you're 99% eligible because of your severe health condition. May I ask you how much benzos (and which one) did you take ? I plan to take 300mg diazepam. Falling asleep before taking SN is one of my biggest fear with this method (I don't want to wake up in psych ward). I always wanted to know if you can get injuries after benzos overdose. Benzos should relieve anxiety, but if I understand well, it did the complete opposite to you ?

No it relieved my anxiety. I took 2 mg alprazolam prior and then 320 mg diazepam and 200 mg propranolol crushed. I fall asleep in around 10 minutes. Aftereffects are nausea, i puked 6 times. Also you might want to taste test crushed propranolol, to me it tasted like chemical not too bitter but a weird unnatural taste that linger in your throat. Next time im planning to take 120mg in pill form instead to avoid potential vomiting.

 

[unluckysadness]

No it relieved my anxiety. I took 2 mg alprazolam prior and then 320 mg diazepam and 200 mg propranolol crushed. I fall asleep in around 10 minutes. Aftereffects are nausea, i puked 6 times. Also you might want to taste test crushed propranolol, to me it tasted like chemical not too bitter but a weird unnatural taste that linger in your throat. Next time im planning to take 120mg in pill form instead to avoid potential vomiting.

Thanks for these precious explanations. I take propranolol everyday since years for my heart issues and I'm planning to take it too before my SN. So side effects were bad but you didn't end up in hospital (but I guess you could, because 320mg + 200mg are a lot). And did you take anti emetics ? Did you fast before your attempt ? Do you remember how long did you sleep ?

Sorry if I'm asking too much questions but this benzos part really bothers me since a long time and the PPH don't really answers.

 

[tooafraidtodiez]

Thanks for these precious explanations. I take propranolol everyday since years for my heart issues and I'm planning to take it too before my SN. So side effects were bad but you didn't end up in hospital (but I guess you could, because 320mg + 200mg are a lot). And did you take anti emetics ? Did you fast before your attempt ? Do you remember how long did you sleep ?

Sorry if I'm asking too much questions but this benzos part really bothers me since a long time and the PPH don't really answers.

Yes i took 30mg meto, fast for 9 hours and slept for 10 hours.

 

[peacebenow]

it is frustrating as hell. I do understand. I live in the US and I am already dying and bedridden existing in torturous agony but MAID still has too many requirements and specifics making it too hard for me now. I am doing sn very soon as my own personal MAID. also think you took a lot of of benzos perhaps much to much this time. take it easy as your body is recovering from what you just experienced.