Returning. It’s been a minute SS.

[blood orange]

Hi to some people that might remember me and some that don't. Hello, unfamiliar and new people.

I never really said goodbye last time and now that I've found myself here again. It may have been too soon.

I ended up returning to the duplex to feed my cat and leave him a lot of food at my ex's. One thing led to another and my ex/housemate proceeded to strangle me. I struggled and fled, never to come back to that place again.
(My cat is probably doing okay, he never reciprocates the guy's affections and is probably thoroughly marking the carpet to this day)

My estranged family took me in briefly, but the expectation was for me to leave their home too. I never received or sought help for my mental illness nor trauma that was endured from being assaulted.

I ended up finding a job, promoted—then got a neat place of my own. I just thought if I could fake a sense of normalcy, maybe I'd get used to it. But as soon as it was around the time of year I was strangled, I just lost it. I stopped going to work or leaving the house.

In December, I was booted from my apartment and have been living in my car since. My family and friends remain unaware of my situation, though they're probably tired of dealing with them. I have nothing to offer in the relationship, all I do is take.

Soon, my car will probably be repo'd and with it being -20 to as low as -50 Fahrenheit here, I'll probably succumb to exposure outside.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

In December, I was booted from my apartment and have been living in my car since. My family and friends remain unaware of my situation, though they're probably tired of dealing with them. I have nothing to offer in the relationship, all I do is take.

Soon, my car will probably be repo'd and with it being -20 to as low as -50 Fahrenheit here, I'll probably succumb to exposure outside.

Hmmm. I see a lot of "probably" here. Most concerning is the one about friends and family. Have you asked them if this is so? Can you ask them how they would want you to give back so that they feel reciprocally replenished rather than drained?

Would be helpful to know your intentions for posting so others know how to respond: venting? update? kind words? advice?

Wishing you well.

 

[blood orange]

Hmmm. I see a lot of "probably" here. Most concerning is the one about friends and family. Have you asked them if this is so? Can you ask them how they would want you to give back so that they feel reciprocally replenished rather than drained?

Would be helpful to know your intentions for posting so others know how to respond: venting? update? kind words? advice?

Wishing you well.

I know so. My direct family is not on speaking terms with me, even for brief 2-3 month stay with my father and stepmom. There was an unsaid disdain for me and they asked EVERY day when I'd leave. Before I had the funds and a car secured, they told me to leave. So I did. They moved out of state early last summer and do not reciprocate communication. Though it is for the better to be honest. They are not kind people and I have never had an outstanding/familial relationship with them.

As for friends and acquaintances, I do not have the sort of familiarity or interpersonal relationship where I can discuss heavy topics. A lot of the conversation is limited to small talk and discussing surface interests, I have tried to depthen the relationships with them. However they simply aren't emotionally or intellectually equipped to provide comfort or feedback. Most if not all the time, it backfires and I'm left wondering why did I even try. It's almost as if they don't know me at all, even though I'man openbook.

I am venting and giving an update. And am considering options for my exit.