Relapse?

[JuzoXIII]

It's almost a year since my last post. I've been staying away from here hoping to get away from the negative vibes. But here i am again. I just want to die. I thought i could stay strong and continue living. I'm breaking down almost everyday. I feel my existence is pointless already. there's no point in me living and playing a part in anyone's life. I'm just a worthless piece of shit. sigh....

 

[Nuclear Gandhi]

It's almost a year since my last post. I've been staying away from here hoping to get away from the negative vibes. But here i am again. I just want to die. I thought i could stay strong and continue living. I'm breaking down almost everyday. I feel my existence is pointless already. there's no point in me living and playing a part in anyone's life. I'm just a worthless piece of shit. sigh....

Hey, I feel you. Relapsing is so frustrating, because you can recognise patterns and find similarities to your previous mindsets, but it doesn't stop spiralling down and down. I relapsed after two years of getting better after my attempt, got of meds, finished degree etc. Now back to square one - last few days I can't stop thinking about ending it all. It's the first thought in the morning and the last one before going to sleep.
Anyway, sorry for venting. Just wanted to tell you that you are not alone in this. Sending hugs and support!

 

[BPD Barbie]

I'm relapsing as well so I know the feeling well. Had been doing ok, got my job back and things were looking up. But mental illness doesn't care about anything and it doesn't wait for the right time to show its ugly head, it just comes whenever it wants to and now I'm back here and waiting to die. I'm sorry that it's brought you back here, I hope you can find some strength

 

[faust]

I think your thread proves the fact that we can run away from everything but not from ourselves. Unfortunately, even if you are on your way to recovery, you will meet the problem face to face anyway. Only a pure acceptance can help in this case. If an irritant does not irritate you, it is no more an irritant.

 

[Werewolf]

Indeed when the thought of moving forth takes hold it's not easily forgotten. I'm guessing some people have predisposition for such thoughts why most people consider them unthinkable.
For me it's almost like a safety valve, in moments of pure darkness I can always grab the thought that, if I wanted to, I could step on the bus and be done with it. Strangely this usually calms me, like a blanket for the mind.

 

[Meowkin]

It's almost a year since my last post. I've been staying away from here hoping to get away from the negative vibes. But here i am again. I just want to die. I thought i could stay strong and continue living. I'm breaking down almost everyday. I feel my existence is pointless already. there's no point in me living and playing a part in anyone's life. I'm just a worthless piece of shit. sigh....

It's frustrating being back where you never wanted to be. Being happy in recovery and then in despair wanting to ctb are such different realities to adjust to when you've had a relapse that it's painful and quite demotivating.