Regretting being here for the new year

[NotWorthLiving]

When I was watching the fireworks last night I was thinking about how I shouldn't be here this year and how I shouldn't have been able to see them. Does anyone else feel like this?

 

[RainAndSadness]

When I was watching the fireworks last night I was thinking about how I shouldn't be here this year and how I shouldn't have been able to see them. Does anyone else feel like this?

Here. I feel terrible witnessing the start of 2019. I didn't think it would actually happen. I planned to leave way before 2019. But here I am. Delaying my exit while I feel absolutely miserable. It makes me sad knowing that I'm a part of the group who managed to survive 2018. I'm very envy of all the people who are gone already.

 

[stellabelle]

When I was watching the fireworks last night I was thinking about how I shouldn't be here this year and how I shouldn't have been able to see them. Does anyone else feel like this?

I certainly feel this way, especially after surviving a nearly fatal attempt. It's sort of an eerie feeling, to be honest. I was supposed to be long gone by now.

 

[NotWorthLiving]

When I was born, apparently I wasn't breathing.

I was watching the fireworks and that thought came into my head . This has to be a mistake. I shouldn't be here.

 

[Justanotherconsumer]

I had planned to exit by now, however last night i had an exceptional afterlife dream which gave me new incite, 2019 feels lke a fresh start in ctb opportunities.

 

[15dec]

Yeah. I wish I could've gone through with my original date but too much was going on, birthdays, Christmas, new year... ugh. It's a pain but I couldn't bear the idea of ruining all that for my loved ones. 2019 is already off to a horrible start, I woke up at 5am this morning feeling stupidly anxious and depressed and it's just getting worse. Sigh

 

[Floraknife]

I almost died when I was 2 from a fever, stopped breathing for nearly 8 minutes. I've wondered often if I was meant to leave then, but SI kept me here. Tried in 4th grade, with a razorblade - y'all know how ineffective that method is already. 14/16/don't remember, with 1.5 bottles of aspirin and a bottle of wine, only ended up deaf for a day. 19 with a house full of pills, prescription and otherwise, just threw them up. 20, tried for a coke overdose. 21, tried for a naproxen overdose with 2 bottles of rum along with trying to cut my throat but couldn't follow through...

I've felt guilty for even being alive for years, it's well past my time to bite it.

 

[existenceissuffering]

Yes. You put the words in my mouth.

I didn't think I'd ever live to 2019. And now it's here. And I'm obviously still alive.

I'm hoping that after learning about reliable methods on here, I can ctb soon. I'm still waiting on something to arrive in the mail. After that, it's only a matter of time.

 

[Floraknife]

Yes. You put the words in my mouth.

I didn't think I'd ever live to 2019. And now it's here. And I'm obviously still alive.

I'm hoping that after learning about reliable methods on here, I can ctb soon. I'm still waiting on something to arrive in the mail. After that, it's only a matter of time.

Me too! I wish you luck in finding a peaceful, reliable exit soon.

 

[existenceissuffering]

Me too! I wish you luck in finding a peaceful, reliable exit soon.

Thank you, I hope the same goes for you. :)

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

When I was watching the fireworks last night I was thinking about how I shouldn't be here this year and how I shouldn't have been able to see them. Does anyone else feel like this?

I didn't feel like celebrating a new year. One that will suck just as much or more than the last one.
So many people want to be here who's lives are taken from them. I don't want to be here and I have to suffer. So fucked up.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I always feel overwhelmed and depressed at the start of a new year. It's like this bleak expanse of nothing is laid out in front of me all over again. Except I know it's going to be full of pain, struggles and suffering, just like the year before it. I'm starting to feel like a real glutton for punishment at this stage, because there's no point to any of it. I go through too much with my various conditions and my quality is life is majorly affected as a result. I also don't care about creating a life for myself. I don't want to pay bills or start a family. I just want to fuck off this planet.

 

[Redt2go]

I was at home and my family woke me up screaming happy New year. New opportunities and happiness to come. I got so angry because I didn't plan on being alive in the new year. I just went up stairs. I felt bad :/