Venting Regret throwing out rope

[Taos]

I couldn't get hanging to work so I threw away a strong, braided fit-for-purpose rope. Why did I do that? If I couldn't get hanging to work with that, bedsheets, cables, wire and all the useless shit I have around me won't help. All I've done is limit myself - again.

I want to ctb soon, but I think it'll look a little suspect if I start buying up rope, veg capsules, pill machine, SN, meto prescription lol. I never receive packages, and I want various bits and pieces NOW to calm me down. Stressed.

Wish I could move out.

 

[WornOutLife]

I used to have a rope and threw it out too because I was scared of my parents finding it.
Now, if I ever try to go with hanging again, I guess I'll use some neckties but I really suck at partial so I might not do it at all...

 

[Taos]

Hanging was definitely tougher than I thought. It wasn't SI, I just couldn't get it set up properly.

 

[JustAMatterOfTime]

The trick is to build up gradually I think. I have a draw full of things, rope, sharp knife, stockpiled pills, razors etc. Don't think my mother will do any searches due to previous embarrassing incidents.

 

[Taos]

The trick is to build up gradually I think. I have a draw full of things, rope, sharp knife, stockpiled pills, razors etc. Don't think my mother will do any searches due to previous embarrassing incidents.

You're fortunate. I want SN, but I don't know how on earth to pretend it's something I'd actually use. I thought some skincare product that needs prep, but my mum is even angsty about that cos i fucked up my skin in the past lol. She is my obstacle.

 

[JustAMatterOfTime]

You're fortunate. I want SN, but I don't know how on earth to pretend it's something I'd actually use. I thought some skincare product that needs prep, but my mum is even angsty about that cos i fucked up my skin in the past lol. She is my obstacle.

I did too until I read about police visiting people who ordered it here. That is something I wouldn't cope with. Does your mum go through everything you order? Most of my stuff just comes in a usual post bag and I will lie about what is in it if it is something she would not want me to have.

 

[Taos]

I did too until I read about police visiting people who ordered it here. That is something I wouldn't cope with. Does your mum go through everything you order? Most of my stuff just comes in a usual post bag and I will lie about what is in it if it is something she would not want me to have.

No, she doesn't, thankfully. But she'd think it weird if I didn't show her what I bought. A product looks dodgy without a proper label. I worry it might be written on with pen or disguised as something else like "pigments", meaning i'd have to tamper with it. It's difficult getting SN as it is, can't be selective with the package. A "skin care product" of 1kg (one vendor i found) would be absurd.

I wouldn't cope well either re police. And she'd never believe my end of the story.

I need a large pill crusher, capsules, and a capsule machine. How on earth do you get that and pretend you bought something else? I can't find it all from the same vendor, so i'd need to buy other stuff from the shop of a similar size to cover what i really bought. I don't like the added stress and expense.

I'm trying to secure stuff from others who are happy to pass stuff on, but it's tough.

I see yes it is hard but those sellers have to protect themselves and can't go to ridiculous lengths like disguising it too well. I don't know how to get those other things either I can only think to try and order something for when you are home alone.

I know, true. Unfortunately, she is always home. The only time she ever left was a weekly food shop, but now it's home delivered because of coronavirus. I have pretty bad social anxiety so would always avoid deliverymen, it's a huge change of character to get the package myself. I've tried pushing myself out of my comfort zone these last few weeks with visitors, hoping it would throw her off when i eventually purchase stuff, but I think all i've done is make her more suspicious.