Story reflection on my SN attempt: 1 year later

[Embalmer]

havent posted on here in a while, but i still like to check in occasionally mainly to see if any members need someone to talk to or to just to simply check up on everyone quietly. but i came back to leave a quick little note that may give someone some shred of hope for the future, just over a year ago now i had put together my entire method and was so ready to end it all as i believed things would never change, even took some SN in the spur of the moment and it was not a fun experience lol. but now, even though things still arent perfect by any means, im somewhat glad i stayed. i have a better relationship with my family, friends, and am now slightly more focused in school (as much as my ADD allows), and even cut off my abusive ex once and for all and have been seeing my new bf for a while now and have never felt more safe and loved. i still struggle with self harm and depression constantly, but im choosing to push forward anyway as its my last semester now and ill finally transfer into the nursing program and start my new life. i still cant bring myself to throw away my SN, as it brings me a huge sense of comfort knowing if i do change my mind, i can leave whenever i want; but knowing i have more to live for now is good enough for me. ill still be online from time to time if anyone ever needs anyone to talk to, my dms are always open, and i respect anyones decision for how they choose to live their life; but if you choose recovery ill always be here to support you. it may not seem like it, but things really can get better <3

 

[timf]

Congratulations. Throwing out the toxic and building the health always sounds simple, but as you know the road can be difficult You have a testimony that things can get better.

 

[tartvinegar]

Can you share more about why SN failed for you?

 

[swankysoup]

So did you take too little SN in the moment or what happened?

 

[Embalmer]

Can you share more about why SN failed for you?

it was a spur of the moment thing, so I wouldn't really say it failed since I didnt do it right. Just put two spoonfulls in some water and drank a bit and felt horrible and passed out for a bit

So did you take too little SN in the moment or what happened?

yeah definitely too little, didnt even measure it because I was just upset at the time and didnt even really mean to CTB with it, more like just make myself sick i guess

 

[blackbeauty]

Thanks for sharing this. I find the toughest battle is finding the strength to hold on for another day and every time you do, it really is a win.

Happy to read that you are recovering and I hope this continues for you. wish you all the best :)

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm glad you're doing better! All best wishes!

 

[3FailedAttemptss]

it was a spur of the moment thing, so I wouldn't really say it failed since I didnt do it right. Just put two spoonfulls in some water and drank a bit and felt horrible and passed out for a bit

yeah definitely too little, didnt even measure it because I was just upset at the time and didnt even really mean to CTB with it, more like just make myself sick i guess

Were you given any methylene blue or did you actually just survive drinking some SN? I thought as little as 2g was lethal.

Glad to read that you're better now though ^-^