maneose
天天天国地獄国
- Sep 10, 2023
- 143
haven't posted here in soooo long, which i'm really proud of honestly. maybe i just had summer depression, or just needed to talk to people again but genuinely i haven't felt this good in a while. i'm talking to new and old people i know, trying my best to keep up with my social life and, even if it's just one avenue in my life that gets improvement that's all good for me. now that i'm out of my summer suicide cycle, it's kinda become super evident i probably have a huge eating problem, that is too embarrassing and expensive to think about for too long, but as i'm here curled up in pain from my stomachs hunger im pretty sure i might have to think about it lmao. i think i will talk to my therapist about it, which i know will be the basic, just try and eat! like… thanks if i needed encouragement i could just go to my family… not sure what my insurance is paying you for but… i'll try. it's super hard to even describe because it's not even traditional eating disorders, i'm not even sure how it became this bad if i'm honest. i've always been super picky, but i was able to manage myself until the near of highschool. i guess my ex expedited me getting here, they were huge into the eating disorder space on twitter and just became a real bad encouragement for me, so much so i purged for like a week. but it was never much about weight or anything, probably just getting another way to cope from being abused by them. but i eventually ended up getting covid and it fucked up my taste and smell bad, so now 80% of the food i used to be able to eat, i can't even handle. so now i'm basically stuck with eating either fast food (expensive in this economy), eating oven pizza and cup of noodles or starving. this is all over the place but just wanted to get my thoughts out my head, this sucks, not eating sucks, but at least i'm happy 
