Hey everyone, hope you're having a nice day.
I have porn addiction and I know it. It's once per day and I can't stop it at will anymore, not more than a few days at least. I also have a difficulty socializing, difficulty understanding people, and a knack for overanalysis. There are times when I'd feel very lonely and abandoned, that's when I'd watch porn mostly. Otherwise I'd watch it if I just need a high, once a day.
I wish to change guys. I've recently become aware that these traits make me an outcast. (I have difficulty realising what's proper behavior in a social context). I also sometimes SH out of shame. Seeing the scars just make me feel comforted, and that "I deserved it, I've repented" feeling comes temporarily. The scars however, must be hidden for obvious reasons, and it gets tiring keeping track of how much of my thigh is exposed everytime I'm in boxers.
Could you lead me to resources for recovery? I tried therapy but I think my communication issues have made it useless. One person said I had BPD, one person said I'm just overtly anxious in social situations, and that triggers my spirals into self loathing. I don't know anymore, I'm tired of all this. I just want to be normal.
Now even my thighs feel like they're mocking me. When I'm sane, I can't look at them. When I feel sad, I can't look into my eyes, that's ONLY when my scars comfort me.
I have porn addiction and I know it. It's once per day and I can't stop it at will anymore, not more than a few days at least. I also have a difficulty socializing, difficulty understanding people, and a knack for overanalysis. There are times when I'd feel very lonely and abandoned, that's when I'd watch porn mostly. Otherwise I'd watch it if I just need a high, once a day.
I wish to change guys. I've recently become aware that these traits make me an outcast. (I have difficulty realising what's proper behavior in a social context). I also sometimes SH out of shame. Seeing the scars just make me feel comforted, and that "I deserved it, I've repented" feeling comes temporarily. The scars however, must be hidden for obvious reasons, and it gets tiring keeping track of how much of my thigh is exposed everytime I'm in boxers.
Could you lead me to resources for recovery? I tried therapy but I think my communication issues have made it useless. One person said I had BPD, one person said I'm just overtly anxious in social situations, and that triggers my spirals into self loathing. I don't know anymore, I'm tired of all this. I just want to be normal.
Now even my thighs feel like they're mocking me. When I'm sane, I can't look at them. When I feel sad, I can't look into my eyes, that's ONLY when my scars comfort me.
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