I am like worrying all the time anyway. But recently it is extreme. I am overwhelmed all the time.
So my therapist at first did not want to extend my therapy sessions. I had to write her a paper with myy progress because she did not see one. I wrote a 9 page paper where I exaggerated my progress. I just wanted to do more therapy. I had the feeling if she gives me up this could be very detrimental. I forgot something though. Maybe if I describe a lot of progress in therapy they might take away my nursing case status. I had one without time limit. If they take this away it would be a total disaster. And would make me very suicidal. Even a new assessment could be extreme poison for my mental health. However, the progress I described was solely psychological no progress in my dependency on others. The main reason why I got the nursing care money.
My disability status could also be reduced.
Recently, I panicked I might get into trouble because my psychiatrist got a warning for the expenses of my medication. They cost too much.
But I think the way bigger risk is that they take away my nursing care status.
The irony is because of all of that I am taking again more addictive medication. I need them to sleep. And my withdrawal symptoms come back. This extreme anxiety. So my progress of therapy is gone after a break of 3 weeks. And on top of that they might take away my nursing care money.
ChatGPT the likelihood is low and even if there is another assessment it does not mean they take it away. But the forever status might be taken away.
The nursing care money was my lifeline. The one thing that had the potential to save my life. If they take it away my suicidality would get way worse again.
Maybe I should have forseen all of that. Maybe once again I am worrying way way way too much. I feel a strong inner heat. I cannot resist the panic.
Yesterday was good I was invited to a birthday party. Afterwards I could sleep without additive medication which is seldom recently.
My dad stopped the contact with me. I was pretty mad at him for acting like it is a catastrophe that I cannot work. I told him that over the last years again and again and again. And he did not want to believe it. College would drive me to commit suicide. I am pretty sure about that. It almost did. I told him with this behavior he is no support which might hit him. But he should grow up. He lived in his fantasy world pretending I could work one day. Despite the fact it was obvious this was not the case. He rather pressured me to continue college despite the fact he knew it led to my almost suicide attempt.
I consider to give up with dating apps. Or at least take a break. I think I cannot handle more rejections. I have such a strong desire for a partner. But I am so fed up.
If they take away my nursing care money I had the incentive to approach suicide again. Well it would show I am ill. And I might had to go to that clinic for acute suicidal people again if I attempt. But it was a nightmare trip. I thought I triggered someone into ctb for 24 hours. Holy shit was that awful. I think this is why I am not acute suicidal currently. It would not make things easier. The health of my mom and grandma is really bad. And I fear to kill them if I ctb. I tell me I can wait. Or that I should wait...
So my therapist at first did not want to extend my therapy sessions. I had to write her a paper with myy progress because she did not see one. I wrote a 9 page paper where I exaggerated my progress. I just wanted to do more therapy. I had the feeling if she gives me up this could be very detrimental. I forgot something though. Maybe if I describe a lot of progress in therapy they might take away my nursing case status. I had one without time limit. If they take this away it would be a total disaster. And would make me very suicidal. Even a new assessment could be extreme poison for my mental health. However, the progress I described was solely psychological no progress in my dependency on others. The main reason why I got the nursing care money.
My disability status could also be reduced.
Recently, I panicked I might get into trouble because my psychiatrist got a warning for the expenses of my medication. They cost too much.
But I think the way bigger risk is that they take away my nursing care status.
The irony is because of all of that I am taking again more addictive medication. I need them to sleep. And my withdrawal symptoms come back. This extreme anxiety. So my progress of therapy is gone after a break of 3 weeks. And on top of that they might take away my nursing care money.
ChatGPT the likelihood is low and even if there is another assessment it does not mean they take it away. But the forever status might be taken away.
The nursing care money was my lifeline. The one thing that had the potential to save my life. If they take it away my suicidality would get way worse again.
Maybe I should have forseen all of that. Maybe once again I am worrying way way way too much. I feel a strong inner heat. I cannot resist the panic.
Yesterday was good I was invited to a birthday party. Afterwards I could sleep without additive medication which is seldom recently.
My dad stopped the contact with me. I was pretty mad at him for acting like it is a catastrophe that I cannot work. I told him that over the last years again and again and again. And he did not want to believe it. College would drive me to commit suicide. I am pretty sure about that. It almost did. I told him with this behavior he is no support which might hit him. But he should grow up. He lived in his fantasy world pretending I could work one day. Despite the fact it was obvious this was not the case. He rather pressured me to continue college despite the fact he knew it led to my almost suicide attempt.
I consider to give up with dating apps. Or at least take a break. I think I cannot handle more rejections. I have such a strong desire for a partner. But I am so fed up.
If they take away my nursing care money I had the incentive to approach suicide again. Well it would show I am ill. And I might had to go to that clinic for acute suicidal people again if I attempt. But it was a nightmare trip. I thought I triggered someone into ctb for 24 hours. Holy shit was that awful. I think this is why I am not acute suicidal currently. It would not make things easier. The health of my mom and grandma is really bad. And I fear to kill them if I ctb. I tell me I can wait. Or that I should wait...
