ABadPerson
something’s off | internet black goop
- Oct 24, 2025
- 106
Been having more frequent shifts where I can hardly register crowds as 'people'.
I'm not sure to describe it, but whenever my mind gets too foggy, the faces around me start to look inhumane and terrifying; not in a dramatic way, but rather how their normal features and its arrangement seem so wrong that it sickens me.
I would start to perceive them as different entities entirely, like something that tries to be human but fails in the most visually nauseating way possible; and everything starts to seem too fake, not artificial or arranged but a genuine illusion, so fragile and all that it is scary to even stay anywhere near any of this, I can panic easily during the moment and just get trapped in a foreign world I could no longer recognise, and trapped in a body I can no longer trust I'm even in control of. It gets so terrifying I just start to spiral internally yet it just seems as though I'm faking all these twisting and turning of thoughts as well, just acting as though I should be acting rather than it being a genuine spiral or real panic. It's not me 'feeling' it, it just is that way it all fucking is that way I swear the world genuinely is that way which is what terrifies me so much.
I used to have a massive headache alongside, but eventually it's just more murky and weird sensation that is practically equivalent to pain rather than a real headache. The only other thing of note I can think of what happens is just how incredibly lonely those moments are, like true gut-wrenching loneliness that wants to just eat me alive and fucking kill me over and over again until I stop having to think.
I'm wondering if others' who experiences severe loneliness also have had similar experiences?
I'm not sure to describe it, but whenever my mind gets too foggy, the faces around me start to look inhumane and terrifying; not in a dramatic way, but rather how their normal features and its arrangement seem so wrong that it sickens me.
I would start to perceive them as different entities entirely, like something that tries to be human but fails in the most visually nauseating way possible; and everything starts to seem too fake, not artificial or arranged but a genuine illusion, so fragile and all that it is scary to even stay anywhere near any of this, I can panic easily during the moment and just get trapped in a foreign world I could no longer recognise, and trapped in a body I can no longer trust I'm even in control of. It gets so terrifying I just start to spiral internally yet it just seems as though I'm faking all these twisting and turning of thoughts as well, just acting as though I should be acting rather than it being a genuine spiral or real panic. It's not me 'feeling' it, it just is that way it all fucking is that way I swear the world genuinely is that way which is what terrifies me so much.
I used to have a massive headache alongside, but eventually it's just more murky and weird sensation that is practically equivalent to pain rather than a real headache. The only other thing of note I can think of what happens is just how incredibly lonely those moments are, like true gut-wrenching loneliness that wants to just eat me alive and fucking kill me over and over again until I stop having to think.
I'm wondering if others' who experiences severe loneliness also have had similar experiences?
