Venting Ready to go in ~3 months

[DreamCatcher]

Got my date (My upcoming birthday before years end) and place setup.

Also my hope of a miracle to save me at the last minute when I was to make my decision didn't materialize. In fact quite the opposite. I received old tax bills from two different states (2 years old and 6 years old) with huge late fees tacked on because I didn't get them in the mail since I moved. I'm going to spend the last I have to pay them off and arrange travel to my place of choice and find that bus. I guess they both finally found my address, I thought I had them both paid off but whatever.

I have a little over three months until then, just getting stuff in order and prepping now. I could keep going on and grinding through life but it's too much pain. I'm done.

My friends and family will understand, most likely they'll just think it was an accident while I was off adventuring as I oft times do, ideally they'll never find the body if I do it right and keep wondering if I'm still adventuring without any evidence to the contrary, and by the end of the year I'll be free of pain and can sleep as long as I like.

I hope you all find peace too, I'll probably post here a few more times before the end, but just feel 100% confident in my decision now.

 

[Tazmaniac]

In a weird way I understand what your saying.
I keep waiting for one more event, or something that causes me a second of hope...just one thing. And it never happens. The bills keep coming. The company's you owe money to, want it now. Family thinks I ENJOY isolation and it makes it easier for them to assume I'm off "wandering" on an adventure, than to actually have a conversation with me and ask questions.
Your family will not understand, they will hurt forever, my personal thoughts on my family's pain...SO WHAT?

 

[DreamCatcher]

In a weird way I understand what your saying.
I keep waiting for one more event, or something that causes me a second of hope...just one thing. And it never happens. The bills keep coming. The company's you owe money to, want it now. Family thinks I ENJOY isolation and it makes it easier for them to assume I'm off "wandering" on an adventure, than to actually have a conversation with me and ask questions.
Your family will not understand, they will hurt forever, my personal thoughts on my family's pain...SO WHAT?

Yeah I understand.

Honestly I think there is already too much pain in the world, but I'm certainly not going to stick around to make them feel better about themselves. Plenty of other relatives have died and they're still going, one more isn't going to make a big difference.

I'm not sure why people think death will destroy friends and family anyway, we all know people who have died, I'm not really sure what we're even trying to protect them from. It's normal and natural.