Question For People Who Had Family Members Who CTB'd

[schopenh]

I'm wondering what questions you would have asked them if you had the chance before they CTB'd?

(Doesn't have to be just family members, it can be friends/acquaintances too)

 

[Angina]

No questions. I'd love to beat the sh*t out of them.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I noticed you wrote your goodbye letter, and I wonder if the question posed in the OP is to serve that purpose.

The letter was quite comprehensive. One of the best I've ever read. It seemed to me to cover every question.

A question I would ask is, "Why wasn't I enough to stay?" I think you addressed that in your letter, but if you find it valuable to do so, maybe you could pose this question as if they asked it, and then answer it directly.

 

[schopenh]

I noticed you wrote your goodbye letter, and I wonder if the question posed in the OP is to serve that purpose.

The letter was quite comprehensive. One of the best I've ever read. It seemed to me to cover every question.

A question I would ask is, "Why wasn't I enough to stay?" I think you addressed that in your letter, but if you find it valuable to do so, maybe you could pose this question as if they asked it, and then answer it directly.

Thanks a lot for your suggestion! This was indeed me musing about what to add to my letter. Thanks for your compliment too

 

[Isadeth]

The date and time. The timeline has been very difficult for us. It would be nice to know what time he actually did it. We could only get as far at between 2 days. He was an unattended death, and we didn't find him for 14 days unfortunately. Also, anything to absolve the guilt from not noticing in time and believing him when he said he never would.

 

[schopenh]

The date and time. The timeline has been very difficult for us. It would be nice to know what time he actually did it. We could only get as far at between 2 days. He was an unattended death, and we didn't find him for 14 days unfortunately. Also, anything to absolve the guilt from not noticing in time and believing him when he said he never would.

Thank you for your response, it is very helpful.

 

[stacychad]

There were no many unanswered questions as he(my boyfriend) prepared a lot, and planned it for a long time. And I know he thought about us as much as he could. He said he wanted me to live long and lovely life but I still want to follow him. Loss of him is just miserable. He prepared it over a year. The reason was completely clear. Well,, I sometimes doubt if he really loved me as we had been dating only for about 3-4months. But whenever I read his messages I am pretty sure he really loved me. Life is cruel without your love especially when they committed suicide. I feel also guilty that I was too naive, he said don't feel guilty on his note though. I miss him a lot and I visit this website to feel him, to get closer him. This would be incurable heart pain forever.. I have wished that I take his pain and he would be away from the pain he had. So they grant my wish as he's not in the pain anymore and I am in this heart pain. God is cruel.

 

[ovaltinee99]

There were no many unanswered questions as he(my boyfriend) prepared a lot, and planned it for a long time. And I know he thought about us as much as he could. He said he wanted me to live long and lovely life but I still want to follow him. Loss of him is just miserable. He prepared it over a year. The reason was completely clear. Well,, I sometimes doubt if he really loved me as we had been dating only for about 3-4months. But whenever I read his messages I am pretty sure he really loved me. Life is cruel without your love especially when they committed suicide. I feel also guilty that I was too naive, he said don't feel guilty on his note though. I miss him a lot and I visit this website to feel him, to get closer him. This would be incurable heart pain forever.. I have wished that I take his pain and he would be away from the pain he had. So they grant my wish as he's not in the pain anymore and I am in this heart pain. God is cruel.

I'm so sorry for your pain. None of this is your fault. It's not fair for you to feel to guilty at all. You did nothing to deserve that. Hugs.

 

[fixitinpost]

I was six when my brother hanged himself, so I never really knew him. We'd probably just spend time getting to know eachother. And I'd ask him "what is making you hurt like this?"

 

[SorrySandy]

Whether it would have been enough for her to stay if I'd offered to go and live with her or stay for a while at least. I didn't know until afterwards what she was going through. Dad's long term life partner, although complicated, but she was practically family to me up until my thirties when I cut contact with them.

I struggle to consider hers an informed decision given she was in a psychosis shortly before. She set up a standing order for holy water as she thought people were performing satanic rituals. My sister found that hilarious. I do see a funny side in those words but I find nothing funny about the abject terror that can come with psychosis, as I've experienced that twice myself, and know it can be terrifying.

I don't think me moving in with her would have been enough, given her eventual circumstances so I think I know the answer but I still do wish I'd been able to at least ask that and establish her levels of mental capacity around this decision, given the psychosis she'd experienced.

 

[Johan]

"Do you know how this will effects us, the once you leave behind?"

My little sister took her life when we were adult so I had a very long and strong bond with her. My personality change alot after she killed herselfe. I have no control over my feelings anymore. It was over 10 years ago and I could control my feelings rather good before. Now I'm fu***ed up and how I behave ruins so much in my life. I have changes so much that I have no idea who I am anymore. All I know is that I do not want to be this person.

 

[paininme]

I would just want to tell him again that I loved him (he knew). My question would be is there a way I can make you stay and be happy. I have had a million questions, anger, guilt over the years but I respect his decision as crippling as this grief I have is I'd go through it a million times over for him not to be in pain anymore. I love him I miss him terribly and I wish more than anything he had stayed but life must have been unbearable in his mind and I can't be angry at him leaving

 

[Pookie]

"Do you know how this will effects us, the once you leave behind?"

My little sister took her life when we were adult so I had a very long and strong bond with her. My personality change alot after she killed herselfe. I have no control over my feelings anymore. It was over 10 years ago and I could control my feelings rather good before. Now I'm fu***ed up and how I behave ruins so much in my life. I have changes so much that I have no idea who I am anymore. All I know is that I do not want to be this person.

Sorry for your loss. Sounds like complicated grief or post traumatic stress that you're dealing with because of your sister's death.