Venting Planning to CTB in a few months

[WaitingForTheBusInTh]

As title says.
I'm aiming for after winter, so I can go in the middle of nowhere without freezing. Make a big ol' pile of blankets and watch the stars till i go. Hopefully I can hold out that long. At least until christmas I hope, because my mom keeps going on about how this christmas is going to be 'a big one'.
It's so hard though. My job makes me want to ctb pretty much every day, when i was forced to discuss my depression with my employer they told me to 'shelf it'. I cant even get into therapy because its a) expensive and b) I only get one day off a week.
So, heavily depressed, extremely anxious, and with a life that is going nowhere and will never go anywhere, ctb via SN seems the best way for me.im tired of being the world's doormat.
The only thing is I'm worried about ordering the SN (I live in Canada) and I can't legally get ahold of meto. The one thing i absolutely cannot do is fail. I've been involuntarily admitted to a psych hospital before, and I'll never go back.
I'm also working on losing weight so that it will work better (currently around 250 lbs)
So I guess I have a few questions,
Will buying SN be tracked by police in Canada?
Should I bother trying to put the SN in capsules or does it make a difference?
Should I write notes or will that make things worse?
Also if I just handwrite who I want my stuff to go to, will that be treated as a legit will?
Any other advise/thoughts are appreciated.
Thanks for letting me join this community. Until I saw Stan's guide I was planning on taking all the pills in my house and just hoping it would work.

 

[foxdie]

Will buying SN be tracked by police in Canada?

Possibly, I think it's classified as a controlled substance or something. Would have to research more.

Should I bother trying to put the SN in capsules or does it make a difference?

I'd recommend you use the site search to look up other's opinions on capsules. I have no clue tbh. There is endless SN research on here if you're up for a rabbit hole.

Should I write notes or will that make things worse?

It won't make it better because nothing can. However only you can decide what is right for your friends and family.

Also if I just handwrite who I want my stuff to go to, will that be treated as a legit will?

Definitely not. Legal wills need to be notorised and have a witness I believe. Also suicide notes will be considered as being composed under duress so might not have any legal standing.

Any other advise/thoughts are appreciated.

I would advise you to do more and as much research as you possibly can. This is potentially the biggest decision you'll ever make. Not to be taken lightly. Just some friendly advice.

Thanks for letting me join this community.

Welcome! Although I'm sorry you find yourself here, I hope you find what you're looking for