Venting Planned but Not Sure

[Dumbass]

Already planned for Feb 18th, but I keep having second guesses and such. I don't know what to do now.

 

[Carina]

Second guesses on what day? Or second guesses on whether to go through with the plans? I'm assuming the latter, but you never know.

What's making you second guess it?

You know what people say, if you second guess things, you might want to think about it more first.

 

[Ark]

For what it's worth here are my thoughts. Never CTB until you are absolutely sure. I spent a very long time making absolutely sure there was no other way for me. If you have doubts then listen to them, analyze them, make sure of your decision. You can take all the time you want to be sure. CTB is something that can be put off a million times. It will still be there for you when you are absolutely sure.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

For what it's worth here are my thoughts. Never CTB until you are absolutely sure. I spent a very long time making absolutely sure there was no other way for me. If you have doubts then listen to them, analyze them, make sure of your decision. You can take all the time you want to be sure. CTB is something that can be put off a million times. It will still be there for you when you are absolutely sure.

I can't put off my ctb too much because my meto is expiring

 

[GinaIsReady]

There is this trap some people (like me at one point) get into, it's like being in limbo between actually living and not living because we are tentative about ctb'ing. It can be a form of hell unto itself, imho.

For me personally, I know I am ready. I know deeeeeep down inside that I'm done and ready. When that statement resonates, you might be ready too. Best wishes to you.

 

[Edward1]

It's taken me two decades of thinking about ctb. I suggest that this is a similar length of time for many on here. It takes a long time to reason everything through properly. I just found in the end that my brain doesn't work properly. It didn't matter how much I tried to reengineer or tinker with it, it was the same old sucky brain. I still love it and I still love me. It's just the way it is.

 

[Dumbass]

Second guesses on what day? Or second guesses on whether to go through with the plans? I'm assuming the latter, but you never know.

What's making you second guess it?

You know what people say, if you second guess things, you might want to think about it more first.

It's kind of a mix of both, but moreso the latter aha. I guess you're right though, I can wait a bit more. It's not February yet.

For what it's worth here are my thoughts. Never CTB until you are absolutely sure. I spent a very long time making absolutely sure there was no other way for me. If you have doubts then listen to them, analyze them, make sure of your decision. You can take all the time you want to be sure. CTB is something that can be put off a million times. It will still be there for you when you are absolutely sure.

Thank you, I actually kind of needed that! ;;^^ I think I'll see where my thoughts go and I'll see if I still have the same doubts on the 18th

It's taken me two decades of thinking about ctb. I suggest that this is a similar length of time for many on here. It takes a long time to reason everything through properly. I just found in the end that my brain doesn't work properly. It didn't matter how much I tried to reengineer or tinker with it, it was the same old sucky brain. I still love it and I still love me. It's just the way it is.

That makes sense! I've only really felt this way for maybe a year or two and only decided the date about a month ago. I'll give it more time.

 

[Carina]

That makes sense! I've only really felt this way for maybe a year or two and only decided the date about a month ago. I'll give it more time.

See like with me, I knew about 30 years ago, my last "how the hell did I survive?" was in 2000, my next will be in 2020... so I've technically given this one 20 years for things to change. With 3 months to plan my original, then pushed back due to things I didn't realize.

I'm not saying that people might not know quickly that it's the right choice as there are times where they might find out something, and realize "yep, time to go" that day. But I've had decades to process things, and I'm at peace knowing what I'll do. I've always known. I was just waiting for a time where I had everything I could completely wrapped up. And sadly, the only times I've ever been happy are when I thought I'd be dead.--at least by my own hand.

Everyone's different, only you will know what the best choice is for you. But I too believe that if you have hesitations, doubts, concerns, you should address them first. You may even discover that the ctb isn't even what you want after.

But again, choice is yours.

 

[chris8000]

Already planned for Feb 18th, but I keep having second guesses and such. I don't know what to do now.

If your not sure, maybe there is something else you can go back and try or look at to try to improve your situation.

CTB I think should only be taken when there are no good options left. So I agree with Ark on this.

Personally, I spent 5 years trying every possibility I could find to get out of this mess, and it only got worse. And my disease is considered incurable by normal medicine.