Pissed off about being alive

[broken_songbird]

When I missed my ctb date last month, I was operating under the foolish idea that I could postpone it. Fucking stupid. Now my brain is too far past readiness and I'll have to wait and prepare all over again. Given the destitution and desperation of my life, including living in a non-functioning vehicle in the middle of a triple-digit heat wave, I've been reaching back out to charities because I have nothing. St. Vincent de Paul just shamed me for my poverty and disability. I know there are people who take advantage of systems, but it's ridiculous to be shamed for this shit by people who are supposed to be doing God's work. Fuck them, fuck this, fuck anybody with abundant resources and zero empathy. I can only hope this will help push me back to where I want to be - ready to die. It's inhumane to live this way. For anyone, not just me. My circumstances are NOT my fault and in fact, I've fought like a warrior just to sustain my place in this fucking society as a piece of human garbage. It must be nice to have a job, house and family; it must make the job of judging the riffraff MUCH easier.

 

[Zegers]

Every person is different, in my brief experience with these associations, there are people who are there just to feel superior and relieved that there are people who are worse off than them, but other people genuinely want to help.

 

[jodes2]

Sorry you had that experience. Please don't rush CTB it's not worth the risk. I hope you find peace *hugs*

 

[broken_songbird]

Every person is different, in my brief experience with these associations, there are people who are there just to feel superior and relieved that there are people who are worse off than them, but other people genuinely want to help.

Thank you for your validation! I agree!

Sorry you had that experience. Please don't rush CTB it's not worth the risk. I hope you find peace *hugs*

Thank you. I won't rush - failure would make things worse, ya know? *hugs*

 

[FuneralCry]

It really is such a cruel existence and I'm sorry that you are in this situation, it's all just so unfair. It's understandable as to why you would be angry. I wish you relief from suffering.

 

[HumansAreHell]

When I missed my ctb date last month, I was operating under the foolish idea that I could postpone it. Fucking stupid. Now my brain is too far past readiness and I'll have to wait and prepare all over again. Given the destitution and desperation of my life, including living in a non-functioning vehicle in the middle of a triple-digit heat wave, I've been reaching back out to charities because I have nothing. St. Vincent de Paul just shamed me for my poverty and disability. I know there are people who take advantage of systems, but it's ridiculous to be shamed for this shit by people who are supposed to be doing God's work. Fuck them, fuck this, fuck anybody with abundant resources and zero empathy. I can only hope this will help push me back to where I want to be - ready to die. It's inhumane to live this way. For anyone, not just me. My circumstances are NOT my fault and in fact, I've fought like a warrior just to sustain my place in this fucking society as a piece of human garbage. It must be nice to have a job, house and family; it must make the job of judging the riffraff MUCH easier.

Even reading this makes my blood boil. I also couldn't have said it better myself especially the human garbage part, that's exactly what it feels like.. I'm sorry you missed your ctb, I can only imagine how hard it would be to go through with. I think it will be hard for me as well when I finally get everything I need together. I really do wish some peace for you.