Venting persistent dreams about cbt

[ecmnesia]

so far sleep has been the only source of peace for me, its feels like death. the burdens of existence leaves and the void welcomes me, or should I say, the last remains of a conscious.

sometimes weirdly vivid dreams comes into scene. pure nonsense painted in bright colors and meant to calm the storm of loneliness that haunts me.

for a week or so, though, those dreams took a turn. they are all about cbt now. different, completely estranged methods, that I nurture, plan and as a final act execute.

they are so real. the shape of a cicuta flower, it's petal white as snow, whom I cherish dearly.

reality sooner or later crashes in though. slashing my breaths, crushing my soul, stealing the peace. in the blink of an eye, I am on the center of a tribunal. there are no judges, only empty spaces and eyes that could bore a whole through lead. standing I am accused. no right to defense. the echoes ask.

coward. coward. coward. coward. you could have it. shame you are weak.

 

[MiseryLovesMyCompany]

I had dreams about ctb when I was a kid mostly. I did not even understand the concept back then, it was almost like an instinct, and didn't really think about it that much. I used to have a lot of nightmares, and some just wouldn't end no matter what. The only way for them to end was to kill myself, I remember mostly jumping and drowning. I somehow knew what I had to do in order to end my misery. It was always so peaceful when I did it, like a relief, a huge weight off my chest. That was the moment that I slowly woke up with mixed feelings about what the hell just happened.
Maybe I was destined to end my life by my own hands.
It's interesting to know how different your dreams are. Are you distressed about this whole ordeal, maybe just subconsciously?

 

[sadworld]

The last weeks I was dreaming about ctb almost every night. These dreams were beautiful and I know those dreams will come to reality.