Venting People make it difficult.

[oxymoron]

Living is already so much a pain the fucking ass and people just make it fucking more difficult by asking you to forget everything and be happy and by telling you shit like life is good and it will get better and every one is suffering it's not just you.

Fuck that! I don't care okay? I don't. I fucking don't care. I've had my share of suffering and I know how I'm still alive till this day now. It's been over 2 years that I'm contemplating my death but I'm still fucking here. And I have no clue why. They don't know what's in my mind. They don't understand what's it like to live with tinnitus or IBS or BPD.

I don't know what to do anymore. I've given myself a chance and things have only fallen off the shelf. Idk why I'm still here. I feel like I should've killed myself on the first day from which I started having suicidal ideations. It was a mistake to procrastinate what could've taken me to a better place or at least relieved me from where I cease to exist at the moment.

I'm tired. I really am. I'm looking at several decades of senseless suffering. Nothing will ever get better. This life isn't for me and I'm not meant for this life.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Well I'm with you on the tinnitus and IBS front. Though my tinnitus isn't bad and I'm now beyond IBS into the bowel non-functioning scenario. But BPD...from what I've seen from people on here that is a particularly exhausting way to be. I can't even imagine what it must be like, though I've seen the behaviour and I'd hate to have that too. I don't blame you for being tired and worn out.

 

[Squiddy]

I agree. Life does suck. My tinnitus isn't that bad, but I feel for you. I also have BPD which makes life hell. I'm also sick of people telling me it gets better. It hasn't gotten better for me.