In the past I made fun of family members who wasted a lot of money on playing the lottery. But I was really mad at my dad he tried to convince me playing the lottery even though often times he didn't even check the numbers.
Though, I now consider to partcipate in playing the lottery. There is one main reason. I still have some savings. But this money won't be of much use to me. It could help to postpone my suicide for a while. But it would never fix my issues. I had to have way way more money to prevent my suicide. And I don't have many ways to invest the money. For various reasons. I think only a miracle could save my life. Sometimes I Only cling to miracles because the prospects of my life are so bad.
I think winning the lottery has astronomically low winning ratios. Winning the jackpot has the probability 1:140 million. Participating one time per week costs 1,40 Euros. Or 72 Euros per year.
Not extremely expensive but in most cases waste money. Usually I am rational enough to say okay it is way too unlikely that I will win.
But really I see myself committing suicide when my mom dies. And there is not much that could stop me from doing that. My savings are not enough to stop me. However, if I actually hit the jackpot this could stop me from committing suicide.
But honestly from the miracles that could stop me from suicide this isn't the most likely scenario.
Other possible scenarios. I become a friend of someone old that has a lot of money and the person gives me the money when they die. Also extremely unlikely I don't have much contact to old people. I find a woman that has for miraclous reasons interest in me. Maybe she is 60 years or older and has interest in way younger men. Maybe she is rich and enjoys to give me her lover boy a lot of money. Also extremely unlikely but probably more likely that hitting the jackpot. Lol. I was in this self-help group with depressed old ladies and I think some enjoyed spending time with me. But it was also so awkard being the only men in this group and all of these women could either be my mom or grandma. I don't have interest in ending as lover boy for one of them. Even though, I have to admit one of these women neurodivergent and like 50 years old was sort of interesting. I think she was in a relationship. But it would have been insane dating her. I think I could not stop worrying about what others thought of me.
Then there is the Elon Musk statement that superintelligent AI/singularity will bring us to the age of abundance I also don't really believe in that. An age of abundance probably for a few billionaires. But not for the common man. This scenario is still more likely than winning the lottery.
Maybe nothing of this matters. The most important thing is whether playing the lottery would induce positive or negative thoughts in me. And honestly I think it would make me feel worse. Always calculating how much money I wasted. And if I stopped playing the lottery and my number were drawn I would be extremely frustrated. I gave chatGPT my favorite 6 numbers and I was a little bit anxious whether they were drawn within the last years. This would have implied for me I missed an extreme chance to give my life a positive turn.
But I am not sure whether it only was negative. I think to come to final conclusion I had to play the lottery for a while...
Though, I now consider to partcipate in playing the lottery. There is one main reason. I still have some savings. But this money won't be of much use to me. It could help to postpone my suicide for a while. But it would never fix my issues. I had to have way way more money to prevent my suicide. And I don't have many ways to invest the money. For various reasons. I think only a miracle could save my life. Sometimes I Only cling to miracles because the prospects of my life are so bad.
I think winning the lottery has astronomically low winning ratios. Winning the jackpot has the probability 1:140 million. Participating one time per week costs 1,40 Euros. Or 72 Euros per year.
Not extremely expensive but in most cases waste money. Usually I am rational enough to say okay it is way too unlikely that I will win.
But really I see myself committing suicide when my mom dies. And there is not much that could stop me from doing that. My savings are not enough to stop me. However, if I actually hit the jackpot this could stop me from committing suicide.
But honestly from the miracles that could stop me from suicide this isn't the most likely scenario.
Other possible scenarios. I become a friend of someone old that has a lot of money and the person gives me the money when they die. Also extremely unlikely I don't have much contact to old people. I find a woman that has for miraclous reasons interest in me. Maybe she is 60 years or older and has interest in way younger men. Maybe she is rich and enjoys to give me her lover boy a lot of money. Also extremely unlikely but probably more likely that hitting the jackpot. Lol. I was in this self-help group with depressed old ladies and I think some enjoyed spending time with me. But it was also so awkard being the only men in this group and all of these women could either be my mom or grandma. I don't have interest in ending as lover boy for one of them. Even though, I have to admit one of these women neurodivergent and like 50 years old was sort of interesting. I think she was in a relationship. But it would have been insane dating her. I think I could not stop worrying about what others thought of me.
Then there is the Elon Musk statement that superintelligent AI/singularity will bring us to the age of abundance I also don't really believe in that. An age of abundance probably for a few billionaires. But not for the common man. This scenario is still more likely than winning the lottery.
Maybe nothing of this matters. The most important thing is whether playing the lottery would induce positive or negative thoughts in me. And honestly I think it would make me feel worse. Always calculating how much money I wasted. And if I stopped playing the lottery and my number were drawn I would be extremely frustrated. I gave chatGPT my favorite 6 numbers and I was a little bit anxious whether they were drawn within the last years. This would have implied for me I missed an extreme chance to give my life a positive turn.
But I am not sure whether it only was negative. I think to come to final conclusion I had to play the lottery for a while...
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