I want to buy nembutal or whatever illegal so that I can always have the sweet escape at hands reach. I think it would help me get through life more willingly and if it gets too hard I can always die.
But! All these substances are illegal. And I have to go to dark web or messagr these random e-mail(s) to people I know nothing about or they turn out to be scammers. I am scared that because of my paranoia it wouldn't be helpful to have such substances. I might cross the wrong people and god knows what they can do toit me, I might get caught, they might jave sent me a fake drug that will onlu impair my life further...
I also believe in spirituality and the law of attraction and that has only expanded my paranoia immensely...
I am not secure in any way and I feel insane. I then always reach a level of such desperation that I just can't deal with it anymore and that's when I regret that I didn't prepare myself...
I hate my existence so badly!! I want to evaporate into thin air.
But! All these substances are illegal. And I have to go to dark web or messagr these random e-mail(s) to people I know nothing about or they turn out to be scammers. I am scared that because of my paranoia it wouldn't be helpful to have such substances. I might cross the wrong people and god knows what they can do toit me, I might get caught, they might jave sent me a fake drug that will onlu impair my life further...
I also believe in spirituality and the law of attraction and that has only expanded my paranoia immensely...
I am not secure in any way and I feel insane. I then always reach a level of such desperation that I just can't deal with it anymore and that's when I regret that I didn't prepare myself...
I hate my existence so badly!! I want to evaporate into thin air.
