Does anyone else feel panicked over feeling like there is no viable way out? How do you control the panic long enough to plan a viable way to ctb when all the options available to you seem unreliable? I've got some pills, but nothing reliably strong + it's said pills are unreliable anyway. I've got plastic bags, but SI is said to be too strong. I can get rope, but my hands are disabled so tying knots has been very tricky. I don't have high anchor points for full suspension and partial seems hard to overcome SI and unreliable. Firearms, inert gas, street drugs aren't accessible to me. I don't have a car so traveling to train tracks or heights or deep water isn't practical. Trains and heights seems traumatizing to the public anyway, and I don't want to make the news and my family has to deal with that. We don't even have a bathtub in the house for shallow water! The thought of ctb was calming, but now I feel trapped and I don't want to impulsively try and fail to ctb.
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FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 43,479
I understand feeling so trapped in this existence, it truly is so painful and torturous to be suffering with no reliable way out, I just find it so terrible and tragic how suicide isn't accepted as a valid option even know humans suffer so much, I wish I had access to method like Nembutal to free myself from this cruel existence I never would have chose in the first place, I just wish there's a straightforward way to be gone more than anything. But anyway I wish you the best and I hope that you eventually find what you search for.
Unknown21
The past never dies. Forever 22.
- Apr 25, 2023
- 1,070
I know your pain well, I feel trapped too despite having SN and other medications, I hope you find your way out soon.
Can't you find SN or other reliable methods?
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thebelljarrr
.
- Apr 26, 2024
- 116
I get u here. I've been trying to search, can't even find SN. I tried to learn everything about CO, which I prefer over anything else, but I suck at planning for all of its steps lol. Drowning…. So many obstacles, finding a good spot & my body and stuff.. All the other methods are completely blocked. I rlly try not to risk, knowing the hell from a failed attempt, can't let that happen again.
foreverfalling
Experienced
- Jul 22, 2022
- 271
Yes, ultimately it feels like I am trapped in my own skin. Even if other people wanted to help and support me, they can never get through to the me inside. But it is safe to assume people will in fact stop me. No method is guaranteed, something can always go wrong. There's no way out, even though I desperately want to escape. And if it does work, I'll have to face the horrors of the other side all alone.
Unfortunately I haven't been able to find SN in high enough purity and what I have found requires a business account to purchase. I also haven't figured out the AE meds needed for SN. SN or inert gas or even heavy sedation and a plastic bag would be my preference.
I like to tell myself there is no other side, or the other side is nothing like the horrors faced here.
