Out of options

[Ragerr11]

I've been struggling with suicidal thinking for years. One of my ways of coping with this is to think of different ways of thinking, in other words, be as creative as possible. I guess one of things that I want to know is that is there a way to stop being suicidal or is this just a part of who I am?

One of the closest comparisons would be to the tv show Dexter and how he has this insatiable desire to basically do things to others, to put it lightly. I'm afraid that there's no hope in our current technological state.

I'm planning on doing SN but want to make absolutely sure that there's nothing else I can do to maybe cope or deal with this part of me.

What finally pushed into going through with this and reaching this point is that certain loved ones in my life have put me in a predicament. I basically have a disability that prevents me from working most jobs but if the job isn't respectable in my eyes then these feelings of killing myself start coming up. And also, if people treat me the wrong way or something, I'll end up thinking the same thing.

You might say "go to school and earn a degree, that get you a job!" But no, I can't do the work, I've always been a terrible procrastinator and basically my school work ethic fell apart after high school.

Sorry for the long post! I wasn't sure if I should split it up or what. I don't really need to talk much. I feel pretty much at peace to ctb and wanted to make one last attempt to stop myself, if possible.

 

[Capsicum_Corral]

I've been struggling with suicidal thinking for years. One of my ways of coping with this is to think of different ways of thinking, in other words, be as creative as possible. I guess one of things that I want to know is that is there a way to stop being suicidal or is this just a part of who I am?

I suspect there is a way. It would take some investigation and work to identify the potential options. Let's say you didn't have this issue and could do anything in the world you wanted. What would that be?

 

[Ragerr11]

I suspect there is a way. It would take some investigation and work to identify the potential options. Let's say you didn't have this issue and could do anything in the world you wanted. What would that be?

Perhaps Social Work or if I was super dedicated a psychologist. Or if my laziness prevails which usually is the case, probably a restaurant cook or something. Working close with people helps keep my peace, based on previous experience. I also like business and astronomy, even math or physics makes me happy.

 

[Capsicum_Corral]

Perhaps Social Work or if I was super dedicated a psychologist. Or if my laziness prevails which usually is the case, probably a restaurant cook or something. Working close with people helps keep my peace, based on previous experience. I also like business and astronomy, even math or physics makes me happy.

Huh, I got trained as a therapist way back, but that made me realize I don't much like being around other people all that much. In small numbers and a short while is fine, but you usually end up having to accommodate them in some way. I turned to growing plants and designing growing systems.

In that job hunting book called What Color Is Your Parachute, there were a large number of exercises to tease out your fundamental skills and to identify similar things you might like to do. Something like that might help you with ideas of possible directions to go?

 

[Ragerr11]

Huh, I got trained as a therapist way back, but that made me realize I don't much like being around other people all that much. In small numbers and a short while is fine, but you usually end up having to accommodate them in some way. I turned to growing plants and designing growing systems.

In that job hunting book called What Color Is Your Parachute, there were a large number of exercises to tease out your fundamental skills and to identify similar things you might like to do. Something like that might help you with ideas of possible directions to go?

Sorry I can be pretty spot on sometimes. It's interesting, I always had issues with choosing a career or job. Never thought of turning to a book for answers, surprisingly. That might just be the thing I'm looking for :)

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you have been suffering. This life can be very tiring. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.