Ardesevent
It’s the end of the line, cowboy
- Feb 2, 2020
- 358
I shouldn't have lived past 11 or so. I'm just not cut out for life. I don't have the social skills to get a job, and I have no talents that are going to get me anywhere. I'm bored and terrified by the thought of going out, and the same goes for staying inside like I do all day.
I should have done drugs or something in high school, at least then I'd have some sort of coping mechanism for now, or maybe know some people who can get me stuff. I go through every day hating myself, because I'm too much of a coward to just take a kitchen knife and shove it into my throat like any person with common sense would. My 19th birthday is just around the corner, and I'm still not any closer to being a splat on the ground, or on someone's windshield.
My methods didn't work. I don't have any money. College isn't going anywhere. I know I have to die, but I'm out of methods. Maybe someone like me deserves to watch their life slowly dissolve into a garbage heap, but I'm too much of a coward to let that happen.
I'm back to the drawing board, back to considering overdosed and burning. I know they won't work, but I'm not going to give up on dying, no matter what.
I should have done drugs or something in high school, at least then I'd have some sort of coping mechanism for now, or maybe know some people who can get me stuff. I go through every day hating myself, because I'm too much of a coward to just take a kitchen knife and shove it into my throat like any person with common sense would. My 19th birthday is just around the corner, and I'm still not any closer to being a splat on the ground, or on someone's windshield.
My methods didn't work. I don't have any money. College isn't going anywhere. I know I have to die, but I'm out of methods. Maybe someone like me deserves to watch their life slowly dissolve into a garbage heap, but I'm too much of a coward to let that happen.
I'm back to the drawing board, back to considering overdosed and burning. I know they won't work, but I'm not going to give up on dying, no matter what.
