Venting Ordered my SN

[insipixiecat]

I feel numb. I would've assumed I'd be going through some really strong emotions when planning for my departure. I don't why but I just feel like, nothing at all. I ordered SN like it was a box of cereal. It's kinda baffling that one can become so desensitized to the idea of ending themselves that committing the act can become so mundane and boring.

 

[OrcWitch]

That is bizarre to think about. But if you felt tense about ordering this you might not have the will to actually consume it. I think people think about their preferred method for so many months/years in advance that when the time comes they are too familiar with the tools to feel shocked.

 

[lonleycrowdedwest]

I feel numb. I would've assumed I'd be going through some really strong emotions when planning for my departure. I don't why but I just feel like, nothing at all. I ordered SN like it was a box of cereal. It's kinda baffling that one can become so desensitized to the idea of ending themselves that committing the act can become so mundane and boring.

I am in the same boat. You should take the time before it comes to rationalize it as best you can. Think it through, pros and cons, one last time. Also, not to be a fear mongerer, but does anyone else feel that it wont be painless? Even when im asleep i have painful and scary dreams. Who's to say that chemical asphyxiation wont produce pain while unconscious?

 

[Mrmarcus27]

I ordered mine today due here end of Sept so let's see

 

[insipixiecat]

That is bizarre to think about. But if you felt tense about ordering this you might not have the will to actually consume it. I think people think about their preferred method for so many months/years in advance that when the time comes they are too familiar with the tools to feel shocked.

That makes sense. I feel that explains a part of the reason one might feel unfazed, though I strongly believe anhedonia plays a big part as well. It's true, I have been seriously considering ctb for years. I've made my peace with it, still I always had a sense of dread about actually having to go through with it. I believe that fear is still present, it's just masked by inability to feel and react to it.

I am in the same boat. You should take the time before it comes to rationalize it as best you can. Think it through, pros and cons, one last time. Also, not to be a fear mongerer, but does anyone else feel that it wont be painless? Even when im asleep i have painful and scary dreams. Who's to say that chemical asphyxiation wont produce pain while unconscious?

Thank you for the advice, I do intend to take my time processing the consequences of this decision before fully committing to it, It is inevitable that I ctb though the timing of it is still up in the air.

I think that's a valid fear to have, I personally trust the information provided in the handbook. I also trust the accounts of people who have witnessed a person go through this process, and the ones who've done this and survived All sources say that the method is painless.

I ordered mine today due here end of Sept so let's see

I wish you the best of luck with your journey <3

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find the peace you are looking for. Maybe you might feel more emotions later on. I can relate to the anhedonia, I feel empty pretty much all the time.

 

[Littlepaws]

Managed to order mine recently also... It's going to take a few weeks to arrive, but it gives me time to sort out my affairs.