I cannot continue like this.
Gathering together what I have learned, I have made (written down) a plan.
First, I will wait till my Mom dies. She is 96 and frail and not well. I doubt it will be more than a few months.
Second, it must not be on impulse but I know it must be on a bad day. What days are guaranteed bad? Birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas. I know I will be in that mental state on those three days, November and December.
Third, since nobody remembers my birthday no. And no to Thanksgiving because certain people will be thankful I am dead. So Christmas it is.
Christmas 2021. I will go out with a bang. And because I don't get mad, I get even, I may call the One Person who is responsible for this, and tell him, "This is your fault," then pull the trigger. Maybe. Maybe not. But it's something to think about. Because he is married to my daughter and is the father of my grandsons and it will affect them if he is even more eff'd up than he is now. So probably not.
One more year of this. I hope I can last that long.
Gathering together what I have learned, I have made (written down) a plan.
First, I will wait till my Mom dies. She is 96 and frail and not well. I doubt it will be more than a few months.
Second, it must not be on impulse but I know it must be on a bad day. What days are guaranteed bad? Birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas. I know I will be in that mental state on those three days, November and December.
Third, since nobody remembers my birthday no. And no to Thanksgiving because certain people will be thankful I am dead. So Christmas it is.
Christmas 2021. I will go out with a bang. And because I don't get mad, I get even, I may call the One Person who is responsible for this, and tell him, "This is your fault," then pull the trigger. Maybe. Maybe not. But it's something to think about. Because he is married to my daughter and is the father of my grandsons and it will affect them if he is even more eff'd up than he is now. So probably not.
One more year of this. I hope I can last that long.
