hey you all precious people,
i think i will ctb tomorrow
today was a family occasion and i didnt want to ruin that forever.
its been really hard you know
i want to sleep to avoid my emotions and reality
but i get traumatic dreams and sometimes it gets difficult to comprehend if things are real or just dreams and its scary. (does anyone else go through that too?)
my method is hanging. i wanted to go with some chemical method so that i would look like some poisoning or something but i just cant wait anymore.
however i will try to make things better or just to even feel better one last time. the only reason i am hesitant in my decision is that my family will go through so much, death of a loved one hurts but suicide hurts even more. i strive to complete a day, i am a student and should be focusing on my career but i have no energy left now. me ending my life will change my parents's life for the worst. i cant even imagine losing a child to suicide. i want to say that i am strong enough to live for them but i am not. all these ill feelings and crying all night and all day needs to stop.
i have always had a dark side to me, and have been an introvert, opening up to anyone is a nightmare
i am grateful for this forum so i an express myself without being tagged as an attention whore or a sick person.
lots of love for you all, i hope you find peace and solace without having to end your life.
i think i will ctb tomorrow
today was a family occasion and i didnt want to ruin that forever.
its been really hard you know
i want to sleep to avoid my emotions and reality
but i get traumatic dreams and sometimes it gets difficult to comprehend if things are real or just dreams and its scary. (does anyone else go through that too?)
my method is hanging. i wanted to go with some chemical method so that i would look like some poisoning or something but i just cant wait anymore.
however i will try to make things better or just to even feel better one last time. the only reason i am hesitant in my decision is that my family will go through so much, death of a loved one hurts but suicide hurts even more. i strive to complete a day, i am a student and should be focusing on my career but i have no energy left now. me ending my life will change my parents's life for the worst. i cant even imagine losing a child to suicide. i want to say that i am strong enough to live for them but i am not. all these ill feelings and crying all night and all day needs to stop.
i have always had a dark side to me, and have been an introvert, opening up to anyone is a nightmare
i am grateful for this forum so i an express myself without being tagged as an attention whore or a sick person.
lots of love for you all, i hope you find peace and solace without having to end your life.
