On the edge of help and death. How to maintain happiness

[imcurious]

I recently found this corner of the internet. I'm glad I did. Times like these when I feel like I'm drained of all emotion is when I return to my humble abode, and it reminds me once again, that happiness is a privilege.

I suppose this post is my introduction. I also think I'm writing this because I don't know where else to turn for word vomit. I wonder if people struggle with maintaining happiness, like I do, rather than persistent unhappiness, which I what I observed from some users' descriptions of their struggles on this platform.

Just a moment ago I was happy. I felt calm, I didn't feel anything too negative. I had just come home from a recent outing with my friend. Just a moment ago a switch flipped and I feel like nothing matters. No one cares, no one really chooses to enter my bubble because everyone is busy in their own. I can't blame that. But I feel horribly lonely, and my desire to CTB comes creeping back.

I feel anhedonistic most of the time. I feel like the world passes without me. I look in the mirror and I absolutely hate what I see—a physically insecure, socially anxious and incapable individual. Because I lack a strong network of friends and family, I don't feel the motivation to reach out to anyone, and no one reaches out to me. I wait in my room, mindlessly scrolling through forums and piling spam emails until my life magically changes, but nothing happens.

The rare occasion when I do feel happy is fleeting. It's never lasted any more than several hours. I wonder if ceasing my life will do the trick, or if I should turn around and attempt to find affordable, professional help. The goal is the same regardless of the approach. I just want to maintain my peace.

I wonder what it is that others do to maintain a better state of mind, without emptying your wallet? I'm afraid the latter is too expensive for me, and the former looks dangerously appealing. I don't know what to do.

 

[Anonymus]

I understand you perfectly,

I the truth ... what I can tell you is that happiness is not sought, we already bring it into birth, I just have to give it food to revive.
It's like who wants to be fitter, this is not in the shops or on the street, you just have to work the body. With the mind it is the same and in return it affects happiness, being a very joyful moment when you feel it.

The problem is that it is difficult to work and maintain. In my case I am a disaster if I do it voluntarily, but unintentionally it happens to me many times when I abstract myself in a fact that catches my eye (even if it is a small white butterfly that is put on my shoe in the right in the middle of the city).

I don't know who I am to advise you because I bring a good April full of sadness, anger and rage, ... it is affecting me a lot .. again ... but it will happen ... again.

What helped me a lot 15 years ago was reading, I made the whole Terry Pratchett collection (thank you, Mr. Pratchett wherever you are). You can search for a topic that interests you and focus on it, at least that will help you move forward as you go on your way.

Good bye

Spoiler: Original Text

T'entenc perfectament,

Jo la veritat... el que et puc dir es que la felicitat no es cerca pas, ja la portem a dins de naixement, només li em de donar menjar perquè revisqui.
Es com qui vol estar més en forma, això no es troba a les botigues o pel carrer, simplement has de treballar el cos. Amb la ment és el mateix i de retruc afecta a la felicitat, sent un moment molt joiós quan la sents.

El problema es que costa treballar-la i mantenir-la. En el meu cas sóc un desastre si ho faig voluntàriament, però sense voler em passa moltes vegades quan m'abstraeixo en un fet que em crida l'atenció (enacara que sigui una petita papallona blanca que s'em posa a sobre la sabata al bell mig de la ciutat).

No se pas qui sóc jo per aconsellar-te doncs porto un bon més d'Abril ple de tristesa, ràbia i ira,... m'està afectant molt.. altre vegada... però passarà... altre vegada.

El que fa 15 anys em va ajudar molt va ser llegir, em vaig fer la col·leció sencera d'en Terry Pratchett (gràcies, senyor Pratchett allà on siguis). Pots fer cerca d'un tema del teu interés i volcar't-hi de ple, això al menys et servirà per seguir endavant mentre segueixes el teu camí.

A reveure

 

[timf]

One possibility is that when difficulties arise, one's focus naturally turns inward. While one can find transient amusements and even occasional joy (which do have value) with a focus on self, real happiness comes from acts of selflessness in showing kindness to others. You might experiment by trying to reach out to someone to offer help (even in a small way).

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

I wish I knew. Like you said, I unfortunately struggle with persistent unhappiness. I'm taking medication that helped me a lot but I'm still feeling depressed and sad.