pastamakesufasta
pastafarian
- Jan 28, 2020
- 51
So, I've come here today to vent about the / my BPD struggle since I am currently somehow able to think clearly and sum this u.. Ah, see there it is again, the thought circle..
Anyways:
I moved a few 100KM away from "home" for work. I love it but then, well, you actually have to work so it's a yesn't if you ask me if I like it. Turns out, finding friends is hard. Like in generall. Add Covid and well, quite hard. Besides my roommate I really dont have anyone I like, maybe 1 friend of him, but She's rarely here at our place. I've had sorta good experience with filling my need for attention via online friends, which is fine to me. On the other hand, me expressing my constant fear of them leaving, turns out to actually make most of them leave. Ironic. (insert Palpatine saying "ironic" to anakin here)
So, in the Chit Chat Chat room i had found a few peoole i like and talked to. Then i figured without a reliable solid mrthod i'd leave SS for a bit, because the constant suicide talk doesn't help with kife if you cant do it yourself at the moment. I did not tell them I would leave. Of course, me having bpd i looked every day if they said anything, which they haven't. Which is totally fine, its not their responsibility, i get that. But then I'm like, what did i do that I.. aw f this i cant think anymore. my god BPD is so.. weird. I am thankful to me brain for every word i manage to squeeze out. Its like having a bomb explode in your house every second, your limbs getting torn off over and over again, but you not dying & the bombing never stopping. Try to think during that. "Hehe try to not think about the pink elephant"...
tldr; i need people to talk to
Anyways:
I moved a few 100KM away from "home" for work. I love it but then, well, you actually have to work so it's a yesn't if you ask me if I like it. Turns out, finding friends is hard. Like in generall. Add Covid and well, quite hard. Besides my roommate I really dont have anyone I like, maybe 1 friend of him, but She's rarely here at our place. I've had sorta good experience with filling my need for attention via online friends, which is fine to me. On the other hand, me expressing my constant fear of them leaving, turns out to actually make most of them leave. Ironic. (insert Palpatine saying "ironic" to anakin here)
So, in the Chit Chat Chat room i had found a few peoole i like and talked to. Then i figured without a reliable solid mrthod i'd leave SS for a bit, because the constant suicide talk doesn't help with kife if you cant do it yourself at the moment. I did not tell them I would leave. Of course, me having bpd i looked every day if they said anything, which they haven't. Which is totally fine, its not their responsibility, i get that. But then I'm like, what did i do that I.. aw f this i cant think anymore. my god BPD is so.. weird. I am thankful to me brain for every word i manage to squeeze out. Its like having a bomb explode in your house every second, your limbs getting torn off over and over again, but you not dying & the bombing never stopping. Try to think during that. "Hehe try to not think about the pink elephant"...
tldr; i need people to talk to
