Venting ''Oh my, I can't wait to.. why bother. I'm just going to kill myself anyway''.

[lostangel]

This has been my mentality for the past year and half really. I never see the point in doing new things when I know I'm going to ctb because I just don't want to do life. I was thinking of getting a vehicle a motorbike to be exact and it just hit me, what's the point.

 

[HappyMstake]

I feel this way all the time.

My ctb 'date' isn't really set yet but I want to do it at least before I turn 26 in February. I always find myself asking if whatever it is I'm about to start "Will I finish it within the next few months?" If the the answer is no then I would say fuck it and I just won't do it. It won't matter when I'm gone anyway..

 

[mopeyD]

My mentality is that I'm going CTB soon so I'll give in to all my impulses like gambling into debt. But then I end up chickening out and having to live w the consequences of my impulsive actions. I want to CTB today but I'll probably chicken out again. Such a pussy I am

 

[Ghost2211]

That enters my mind as well. Mostly with lifestyle choices and health. I try to keep telling myself to keep living till I get to die, but it's hard sometimes.

 

[Sk1n1M1n]

I'm more like to do it without thinking about the consequences bur I have no date

 

[lighthousekeeper]

Same, I applied for a modeling job & was going to apply for more when I realized if I get it I'll (hopefully) be dead.

 

[signifying nothing]

Its something I have done over and over too. Its essentially another way of killing yourself - killing the possibilities in your life, killing who you could be, your possible future selves.

 

[BridgeJumper]

My father started bugging me yet again about not washing myself, not taking care of my room, when Im going to finally go back to courses or get a job.
I just laughed out loud and told him everytime I wake up in the morning I regret it. and Im not going to do anything, and Im not going to 'take care of myself', because I dont want to be alive and I dont see a point.
Why should I be clean or well put together when nobody bothers to even call me.

 

[Vault of Memories]

I can completely relate to this, OP. I've had this thought process for years and have missed out on so much because of it.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Yeah what even is the point in supporting a life that I have no faith in