oh my god I just need to make up my mind

[Soapie]

I either do it or I don't. I'm stuck in this facade of recovery and it's making me indecisive. I used to treat killing myself like a mission that needed to be accomplished. I was actually really productive that way. I got SN, I even did a test run with it. I blood tested for purity, I did all my research and I was so ready to just go. Now I can't fucking do it. I'm not getting better I'm just stuck. I know it's cliche to say but god I fucking hate my life so much. I wish I could just let go of this. Life is truly, TRULY meaningless. It is nothing and then it's over and it's just a different kind of nothing after that. At least the other nothing isn't excruciating. At least death isn't toying with me. I should just trust death

 

[FuneralCry]

I agree that life is meaningless. It is just pointless suffering that we go through for the sake of it. I personally see no point to living. I can imagine that it must be really exhausting being in that situation, I'm sorry you are going through this. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.

 

[AnestheticVoid]

I'm there with you. I hope we summon the courage either way.

 

[rationaltake]

Me too. Just need to go.