Venting Off to the pit I go!

[𝑹𝒂𝒘 𝑷𝒓𝒆𝒎𝒂𝒅𝒆 𝑷𝒊𝒛𝒛𝒂]

Raw Mozzarella Pizza.
FUCK

I'm depressed. Oh no. More than usual. Depressive episode I think. These past couple of days I've been catastrophizing my future horribly, feeling completely caged in misery, like I can't get out of it by any means and it's the only way my life will go. Like a tide that takes me wherever it pleases even if I fight against it, my thoughts took a turn for the worst. I'm unable to sleep, unable to live, it's getting hard to eat.

I feel very upset, because in these moments my whole worldview changes, my positivity disappears in the air and I can only think about depressing stuff, even the things that bring me joy make me cry. I'm still learning how to deal with all this. I try to pamper myself, it works on the short run, but after a while I get overwhelmed by negativity again.

Just wanted to vent a little. I will try more things and not let this shit get to me.


Get yourself together pizza omg
I'm not like this, this is just an illness clouding my mind and my soul. I'm strong and capable and incredible and awesome and such a tasty pizza.

 

[Regen]

I am very sorry that you are suffering so much at the moment. Life can be so damn hard sometimes and recovery so incredibly difficult.....

So many times I have thought that the mountain I have to climb to heal is just too steep and that I will never be able to do it. I then took a break and just made sure that I didn't harm myself too badly.

Self-love is a very difficult topic for me. For decades I thought self-love had a lot to do with treating yourself to a warm bath, buying flowers, rewarding yourself for efforts, praising yourself, etc. Today I'm starting to understand that self-love for me is primarily about my lasting, to unmask and disempower the loud, mean inner voice that tells me day and night what I'm doing wrong. Recognizing and disempowering my inner critic really helps me more than I thought.

When the critical voice in my head is very loud and difficult to combat, I listen to loving affirmations (YouTube). Because my brain can't concentrate on the affirmations and the critical voice in my head at the same time. So I try to counteract the nasty voice in my head with a loving voice. It doesn't always work straight away, but I assume that it still subconsciously changes something in my brain.

I send you courage, strength, hope and love!!

 

[𝑹𝒂𝒘 𝑷𝒓𝒆𝒎𝒂𝒅𝒆 𝑷𝒊𝒛𝒛𝒂]

I am very sorry that you are suffering so much at the moment. Life can be so damn hard sometimes and recovery so incredibly difficult.....

So many times I have thought that the mountain I have to climb to heal is just too steep and that I will never be able to do it. I then took a break and just made sure that I didn't harm myself too badly.

Self-love is a very difficult topic for me. For decades I thought self-love had a lot to do with treating yourself to a warm bath, buying flowers, rewarding yourself for efforts, praising yourself, etc. Today I'm starting to understand that self-love for me is primarily about my lasting, to unmask and disempower the loud, mean inner voice that tells me day and night what I'm doing wrong. Recognizing and disempowering my inner critic really helps me more than I thought.

When the critical voice in my head is very loud and difficult to combat, I listen to loving affirmations (YouTube). Because my brain can't concentrate on the affirmations and the critical voice in my head at the same time. So I try to counteract the nasty voice in my head with a loving voice. It doesn't always work straight away, but I assume that it still subconsciously changes something in my brain.

I send you courage, strength, hope and love!!

Hi regen,

That's true...I forget that self love is much more than an excuse for buying things I don't really need or staying in my bed a while longer than I should just because it feels nice (in the moment). It's respecting myself, holding myself true to my values, not self sabotaging, not neglecting myself or my goals.
For me it's a constant battle, I'm scared of pushing myself too hard and breaking, and not trying enough at all.

It's a constant battle of 'working hard, trying not to push myself too hard', and 'not trying enough at all'.
It all depends
For example, do I want to lay in bed because I'm genuinely tired, because it's nighttime and I have to sleep, or because I just want to rot in bed and disappear, because in that moment I'm regarding myself so poorly that I choose to neglect my whole existence? Or because I'm not sleeping well at night and I choose to just exhaust myself during the day, and just not change my sleeping habits at all?
It's certainly complicated...