Venting nothing makes sense

[clearing eyes]

if you are born into a situation that is harmful, you aren't aware of how harmful that situation actually is until you grow up a little bit. and that's if you're lucky enough to meet friends that care about you enough to tell you the truth. even then, you do everything in your power to deny that you are hurting. you say again and again that "it isn't that bad." even though it is. no matter how aware you are of that logically, you will never fully accept it until you are able to separate yourself from the environment that damaged you. and it's going to be difficult to leave. the people in this environment will do everything they can to make you feel like you are crazy once they realize you are aware of what they have done to you. they will be nice, nicer than you have ever seen them. you will start to question your sanity. did any of it happen? are my memories fake? am i being dramatic? you will think of all the good things they have done for you. suddenly, those good deeds are all that matter. those good deeds outweigh the years of mistreatment. you start to believe you are lucky, that it could be worse, that leaving is scary and unsafe. even though there are moments of clarity where leaving is all you want to do, you still have your doubts.

i will never be free. no matter what happens, i can never break out. i am damaged beyond repair, and i have wasted too much time. isn't it better to throw it all away?

 

[feast or famine]

I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through. I was in an abusive relationship and it felt much like what you just described. I don't know the full details of your story, but I hope you can eventually find some peace.

 

[Gentleman]

I don't support cbt. But I do understand your experience. I was handed the worst set of cards from the get go. Believe me. Still I choose to live because f the world and dogma. I think its best to die in life than in death. Re-invent yourself.

 

[catalepsy]

I dont think its better to throw it all away, but I can sympathise. I grew up in a situation like that and remember how it feels. Some people who get out can learn to adjust if they have enough support, but not all of us. If you do manage to get out, focus on building (comparatively) healthy friendships. It's a lifeline. I hope you can find some peace either way.