Not sure if my suicide can wait

[Rustysoupcan]

I am under a chapter 51 commitment which means the county can put me back into the hospital or group home at any time if I get more depressed. With that, I vowed that my next suicide attempt will wait until I am off the commitment so they dont have anything to put me in the hospital for. The thing is, that's 8 months from now. And as everyday passes, I want to ctb more and more. I can't talk to anyone about this without risking going to the hospital. I dont know what to do. I cant live suffering, but I cant fail an attempt and suffer more. I just wish I had enough money to live without a job.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are suffering so much. I understand it can be awful to be in a hopeless situation. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[RedEther]

As someone who has tried multiple times, I've found that rushing it without a proper plan tends to make things worse in the end and close off many opportunities for healing. It hurts but take your time and you will find peace ether though Ctb or not