Not Sure how much longer

[HangingByAThread]

I'm not sure how much more of this I can take.

basically I'm a bit of a recluse without any friends to call on. ive been unemployed through this pandemic (restaurant work) and it does look like things will be getting back to normal.

the sad thing is I'm 38 and figuring out a different life path is terrifying. Yes I know everyone's going through similar issues and so on but in my mind it seems easier to just end it.

I've been very manic throughout this all, cutting myself a lot working up the courage to get closer and closer to my wrists. I look like a freak in the summer now because my arms are all cut up. Not that I'm around people I really know so who cares. I keep using the excuse of a cat but this cat must have some wide claws and a vendetta against me because my arms starting To look likepretty gnarly.

I'm trying to figure out the best way to go. Hanging seems the easiest and cleanest way. While I've gotten closer and closer to my wrist I'm not sure I want to go that way. I guess if Suicide was easy I wouldn't be here.

any other suggestions? Not a big drug user but maybe if I can get my hands on opioids I can try to OD but again, inexperience May land me in the hospital with a very expensive bill.

anyway just putting that out there. Anyone have some suggestions of quick and painless?

sorry for the rant, just spewing it out there while I hang on between manic swings.

 

[coconut lover]

have you checked SN method? is quite easy and painless

I fell you so much, I am in a similar situation

 

[HangingByAThread]

I have looked into that and seems like the most accessible way aside from the usual suspects of knives, guns and nooses.
if only propofol was easier to get your hands on.

 

[SpottedPanda]

I can only imagine the struggle of being financially broken and not being able to find a job. I've had the safety blanket of disability benefits for years. If I didn't have that, I'd be freaking out far beyond anything I experience now.

 

[HangingByAThread]

yeah and only knowing one industry that is completely changing. I used to someone enjoy helping customers and smiling but now it's masks and high anxiety. I don't need that. I am sure so many I the service industry with mental health issues feel this pain.
and I'm nearly 40 which isn't the best to be in a new job market :(