not sure how I should feel now

[Can'tStandAnymore]

Just purchased the SN. I was going to pay it by my prepaid card but I didn't want to wait because of the unstable exchange rates here. Instead, I paid it by my dad's credit card, which is probably why I'm sad now. I said that I will use that for an experiment.

 

[whatever1111]

i understand you... I would feel much better ctb in my own house, and not in my father's house... not sure why, I think I learned to fear him early on, so it's as if this is a kind of disrespect towards the landlord lol

 

[Cookiedough8956]

You know, yesterday my SN came in the mail. My dad opened the mailbox and brought the package upstairs.

I was thinking to my self.
my dads holding the very thing thats gonna kill his daughter soon- and he has no idea!

I feel horrible actually, imagine looking at that through an outside perspective..like wow. If he ever finds out after my death, by opening my lockbox, or they tell him- the guilt will prob hurt him bad : /

 

[pleasethistime]

you are 17. dont know what to say. why hurry that much?

 

[Can'tStandAnymore]

you are 17. dont know what to say. why hurry that much?

It's not only because of the depression or my other personal problems. I'm already used to be living as an antipatic human being and living generalized anxiety.

But, PSSD turned my life into hell, and, the mine is one of the worst cases. I was being research it since nearly 1 year but I just gave it up at the time when I was joined to this forum. Also, I failed on my exams so bad at this week. It's because I became retarded af and I have terrible IBS symptoms which causing me unable to do a mental task at the class.

This is terrible as fuck, I don't want to bother with my mom, she doesn't care about these problems and instead blaming me for not studying enough.

That's the reason why I'm hurrying.

 

[Addy92]

If only I was 17 again wow. I can't undertand why anyone that age would CTB. But im 26 and realistically idk why anyone my age would. Circumstances I guess.

 

[Can'tStandAnymore]

If only I was 17 again wow. I can't undertand why anyone that age would CTB. But im 26 and realistically idk why anyone my age would. Circumstances I guess.

Please stop sending posts like that in my thread. I don't fucking care about anyone's teenage times.

 

[pleasethistime]

It's not only because of the depression or my other personal problems. I'm already used to be living as an antipatic human being and living generalized anxiety.

But, PSSD turned my life into hell, and, the mine is one of the worst cases. I was being research it since nearly 1 year but I just gave it up at the time when I was joined to this forum. Also, I failed on my exams so bad at this week. It's because I became retarded af and I have terrible IBS symptoms which causing me unable to do a mental task at the class.

This is terrible as fuck, I don't want to bother with my mom, she doesn't care about these problems and instead blaming me for not studying enough.

That's the reason why I'm hurrying.

I think you should talk to your parents clearly saying you feel pressured and circumstances you are in make you suicidal. I know how you feel. I had similar experiences.
They have to provide you as long as you they live. You dont have to achieve shit if you dont feel like to.

 

[Can'tStandAnymore]

I think you should talk to your parents clearly saying you feel pressured and circumstances you are in make you suicidal. I know how you feel. I had similar experiences.

They already know that I'm suicidal. It will make things worse in the long term. Also, they can't do nothing as this disease is progressive. It's not something you can just ignore.

 

[Jodes]

It's not only because of the depression or my other personal problems. I'm already used to be living as an antipatic human being and living generalized anxiety.

But, PSSD turned my life into hell, and, the mine is one of the worst cases. I was being research it since nearly 1 year but I just gave it up at the time when I was joined to this forum. Also, I failed on my exams so bad at this week. It's because I became retarded af and I have terrible IBS symptoms which causing me unable to do a mental task at the class.

This is terrible as fuck, I don't want to bother with my mom, she doesn't care about these problems and instead blaming me for not studying enough.

That's the reason why I'm hurrying.

Sounds like hell. It's horrible being in an adult's body, with all the problems that come with it, still to just be forced into a child's world, with none of the tools to deal with it. But please, CTB must be very, very carefully thought out, and I can tell that you have chosen it way too early. There is a LOT you can do to make your life MUCH MUCH better still!!

 

[Addy92]

Please stop sending posts like that in my thread. I don't fucking care about anyone's teenage times.

I'm not judging your decision. I just can't see myself being how I am now at that age that's all. You walk your on path. I hope you continue. But if CTB is your path I wish you peace.

 

[whatever1111]

Sounds like hell. It's horrible being in an adult's body, with all the problems that come with it, still to just be forced into a child's world, with none of the tools to deal with it. But please, CTB must be very, very carefully thought out, and I can tell that you have chosen it way too early. There is a LOT you can do to make your life MUCH MUCH better still!!

I like the first part of your paragraph, but jeez, give the man some space, no matter what his age is. ageism is also a kind of prejudice.

 

[Can'tStandAnymore]

Sounds like hell. It's horrible being in an adult's body, with all the problems that come with it, still to just be forced into a child's world, with none of the tools to deal with it. But please, CTB must be very, very carefully thought out, and I can tell that you have chosen it way too early. There is a LOT you can do to make your life MUCH MUCH better still!!

I'm not even able to listen musics, lol. Can you imagine how it feels like that losing your intelligence, emotions and libido?

I'm planning to listen a soundtrack while doing ctb though. Just to the memory of the past times.

 

[Severnayasemiramida]

Be careful. Don't let your dad "save" you or google what sn is used for. Good luck

 

[pleasethistime]

 

[Pentobartbital]

@Can'tStandAnymore

I got very much the same after I was taken off Effexor, to the point of getting nausea and bowel issues on top of feeling chemically lobotomised and being rendered impotent. I could barely keep down any meals at first because I felt inclined to sickness afterwards. I felt embarrassed and ashamed both physically and mentally.

I'm upset and feel distant anger that we're two of who knows how many others out there suffering the same. Moreso that we're driven to this point.

Like I wrote before, if you need anything please let me know.

 

[GeorgeJL]

Just purchased the SN. I was going to pay it by my prepaid card but I didn't want to wait because of the unstable exchange rates here. Instead, I paid it by my dad's credit card, which is probably why I'm sad now. I said that I will use that for an experiment.

What have you tried to get better with so far?

 

[Can'tStandAnymore]

@Can'tStandAnymore

I got very much the same after I was taken off Effexor, to the point of getting nausea and bowel issues on top of feeling chemically lobotomised and being rendered impotent. I could barely keep down any meals at first because I felt inclined to sickness afterwards. I felt embarrassed and ashamed both physically and mentally.

I'm upset and feel distant anger that we're two of who knows how many others out there suffering the same. Moreso that we're driven to this point.

Like I wrote before, if you need anything please let me know.

Thanks for this post. I don't think anything is needed, thanks again.



My mom hugs me sometimes. She actually loves me so much but I don't understand why she shows a lack of comprehension. She doesn't seems like she believing any of the problems I'm living, despite she says the opposite. I don't again know how should I feel at this point.

 

[Pentobartbital]

@Can'tStandAnymore

you're welcome.

I don't really understand why others can't wrap their heads around it either. Then again we live in a world where PSSD isn't recognised by mainstream medicine. Doctors aren't taught to handle withdrawal or legacy adverse reactions and drug sales representatives deliberately suppress deleterious adverse drug effects so as to fatten their profit margins. No one wants to admit culpability and as former patients it's too easy to classify our woes as being psychosomatic. Outsiders seem to reach for the easiest and most likely conclusion because they've never experienced this kind of Hell before.

 

[Jodes]

I like the first part of your paragraph, but jeez, give the man some space, no matter what his age is. ageism is also a kind of prejudice.

I absolutely agree with where you're coming from. On the other hand, in my personal experience, simple medication made very quick changes. If only it had been done at an earlier age for me - like I don't know, my first suicide attempt at 17 which properly ruined my life?? ffs. So yeh, I have an additional fuck know how many additional unnecessary years of shit towards wanting to give him good advice. So fuck yourself, this is a pro-choice forum.

Edit: which is why I respect your fucking opinion.

 

[whatever1111]

I absolutely agree with where you're coming from. On the other hand, in my personal experience, simple medication made very quick changes. If only it had been done at an earlier age for me - like I don't know, my first suicide attempt at 17 which properly ruined my life?? ffs. So yeh, I have an additional fuck know how many additional unnecessary years of shit towards wanting to give him good advice. So fuck yourself, this is a pro-choice forum.

Edit: which is why I respect your fucking opinion.

wow you're tough, a real warrior. kisses to you

 

[rooster]

Just purchased the SN. I was going to pay it by my prepaid card but I didn't want to wait because of the unstable exchange rates here. Instead, I paid it by my dad's credit card, which is probably why I'm sad now. I said that I will use that for an experiment.

Hi, I tried sending a PM to you but it wouldn't let me, I recognise you from the PSSD forum, our stories are very similar, check your mailbox there, I feel quite desperate.
@Can'tStandAnymore I desperately need some advice please check your email