Not loved enough?

[Parnate]

I feel I wasn't loved enough as a kid. Also I wasn't loved the way I needed to be loved.
The care and love today now matter how much feels insufficient. The neglect and abuse of childhood has rendered me incapable of feeling loved . I don't really get true happiness from my family. There was a friend I felt who loved me unconditionally and truly. But , he too has been selfish all along, only saying sweet things to me. I was naive to realise his real character. Now it's all so empty and hollow.

 

[mysticatedwine]

the mother figure i had as a child was verbally abusive and psychologically unstable. she could jump from 0 to 100 for the tiniest things and start yelling at me. i needed constant reassurance to know that she wasn't on the verge of a meltdown, and i would get this reassurance by looking for tiny verbal or facial hints of validation.

that was years ago. today i've cut ties with her, but i still have this behaviour with those around me: being excessively anxious and always looking for hints of validation. this (amongst other things) has destroyed all my confidence to try and seek others' love. i believe it has made me unable to be loved by those around me. i keep getting more and more self-conscious around the few friends i have because i don't feel validated or loved enough around them. this is going to be the end of my social life.

parnate, for what it's worth: i love you