Discussion Not bad enough

[Stan Swiftie]

The simple fact of the matter is...
My forever alone & miserable pointless pathetic existence is not bad enough to end.
A year ago, I hit a downward spiral of the deepest depression I had ever dealt with... Facing turning 50 years old in January...
Alone & empty.
I was obsessed with it.
In August, I fell down a rabbit hole...
I got on Facebook & Instagram, looking for love
I found nothing but lying scamming pieces of shit
But I paid to keep them around for months because I felt loved, wanted, handsome, & special.
I paid them for their attention...
And for their lies.
And it ended the weekend before Christmas when I attempted suicide because the scammer I fell in love with didn't show up.
None of them ever showed up.
How could they?
They weren't real.
But I found the truth in their lies...
All I have in this life... Existence... is ME.
My parents love me...
They're the only ones who do.
But they don't understand .
And no one else loves me or understands.
No friends, no family, no s.o., not even God...
No one but ME!
I'm ALL I have!
And that is enough!
I just finished watching Cobra Kai...
And I LOVE that show!
There are a few TV shows & movies I love.
There is a lot of music I love.
And I love my parents, my bro, and my cats...
And I love myself!
And yes, even though He doesn't give a shit about me & never has, I love God!
So yeah...
I think I'll stick around a little longer.

 

[timf]

It sounds like you have had some hard lessons. Often if you approach others in the hope thta you can get something from them, you discover that they also are looking to get something.

It could be worthwhile to explore what you might be able to give to others. Volunteer work, like reading to the elderly, might be something in which you could make connections with others without expectations.

 

[Stan Swiftie]

I can't delete this bullshit
So I guess I'll reply with some truth
I was feeling good because I had just finished watching one of the best shows I had ever seen
Who fucking cares?
It's a TV show
I'm tired of relying on movies & TV shows as a social life, because no one likes me
I'm tired of relying on porn because no girl will touch me or even look at me
As for me being the only one in my life
No, it's not enough
Because I'm a piece of shit
Which is exactly what God made me
My parents are all I truly have
But sometimes love is not enough
I have to die
Even if that means I got a get hit by a fucking train
I was hoping to find a better method
But this site fucking sucks!

 

[fawnfurever]

its the simple things like a tv show and your cats. it always is. llmk what show is next. a warm hugg to you

 

[timf]

Up until about 100 years ago people usually grew up in families with five to ten siblings and more cousins than you could count. Modern life began with individual mobility and collectivized institutions such as school, government, and even church. The problem with collective is that they can squash relationships. Modern life is often coldly mechanical and with few relational connections.

It is still possible to work around the defects of modern society. Instead of being raised in a social milieu, one has to go out and find one. Things like volunteer work, an athletic club like tennis, or a book club can be a venue to meet other people around a task or activity that allows opportunities to see if one can connect with another (for friendship or something deeper).

Perhaps an effective way to get to know others is to show a sincere interest in them by asking them about their work, family, and interests. You might find others also seeking relational connections.