Fadeawaaaay
Visionary
- Nov 12, 2021
- 2,156
For the most part, I only have myself to blame for arriving at this spot in life… I have suffered from depression intermittently for the past 40 or 50 years. But for the past 15 years I managed to live a fairly comfortable lifestyle. As it turns out, I had been fooling myself. While all of my peers were busy with (often extreme) professional success, buying houses, having children and sending them off to college etc.… I lived a more bohemian existence or so I told myself.
The reckoning was swift and brutal. Girlfriend broke up with me. Sent me into a crushing depression wherein I did not sleep for an entire month.
Made a very bad financial decision. And now I am literally hungry. And no prospect for employment whatsoever. My brain is fried. Zero motivation. Quite honestly, I had never even considered CTB until About six weeks ago. Always assumed that was for genuinely crazy people. No matter how bad things got I always had hope. Miss guided perhaps. But hope nonetheless. And when you lose hope, You are finished.
I have some savings but if I don't go out and get some kind of job in the next couple years, I will be a homeless person on the street More or less. And I have zero will to actually get any type of job and I would probably be entirely incompetent doing just about anything.
I don't actually want to CTB. I love people. I love life. There is so much I want to do. So many places I would love to see. So many experiences I would love to have. But I don't have the $.
My future is bleak, painful, and lonely.
The reckoning was swift and brutal. Girlfriend broke up with me. Sent me into a crushing depression wherein I did not sleep for an entire month.
Made a very bad financial decision. And now I am literally hungry. And no prospect for employment whatsoever. My brain is fried. Zero motivation. Quite honestly, I had never even considered CTB until About six weeks ago. Always assumed that was for genuinely crazy people. No matter how bad things got I always had hope. Miss guided perhaps. But hope nonetheless. And when you lose hope, You are finished.
I have some savings but if I don't go out and get some kind of job in the next couple years, I will be a homeless person on the street More or less. And I have zero will to actually get any type of job and I would probably be entirely incompetent doing just about anything.
I don't actually want to CTB. I love people. I love life. There is so much I want to do. So many places I would love to see. So many experiences I would love to have. But I don't have the $.
My future is bleak, painful, and lonely.
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