Nobody cares

[itsallover]

I realized after what I went through with Shadow11 that nobody really cares and that suicide is just a part of life. It really is not a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Looking back on it now I think that what she did took a lot of strength. Sometimes there is no answer and when you have no quality of life than nothing else matters. I know I should be thankful for having a place to live and all of my basic necessities, but I can't move forward with all the goals and dreams that I had in life. I hope this community accepts me back again. I was angry and confused about what happened, but at the end of the day I feel comfortable here. If it is really pro-choice here then I am hoping someone can give me some encouragement or really let me know that nothing can be done. I am so tired of my life. It has turned into non-stop doctors appointments and procedures. I am tired. This is not what I want to be doing. I want a normal life like I had where I go to work in the morning, come back in the evening, relax, and do it all over again during the work week. I am angry that I can't have my health back because of a medical fuck up. Money or comfort doesn't really mean anything when you don't have your health. I would trade all of my so called comforts just to have my health back. I just wish the medical community would tell me that there is nothing that can be done about your problem and you're better off dead. I'm sure that's how it is when you go to assisted suicide countries like Switzerland. They understand better than what the hell is going on here in America. Shadow11's story showed me just how much nobody gives a damn. She was abandoned by her family, screwed over by the mental health system, and she couldn't seem to get her health back no matter what. For anyone that questioned her death, I found out from the police department in her state after I requested a welfare check to be done on her. Afterwards I had a family member of hers contact me. They don't want to admit that they abandoned her which I know they did. She was stuck as a prisoner in her own home on the couch. If her family couldn't see this coming then they are complete idiots. I am going to keep trying to find my health, but at a certain point when I exhaust all my options then I know it's my time. I am saddened by it because I thought I had my whole life ahead of me, but that is no longer the case. I would even choose to be homeless and healthy than living with what I am currently. I can't even enjoy the simplest of things. If it does come down to suicide then I will know that I am making a permanent solution to a permanent problem as what I have is chronic and debilitating. Everyone on here knows that sometimes there is nothing that can really be done to change your situation no matter what your are dealing with. I always thought there was an answer, but in actuality there really isn't. I have to have a backup plan because if I end up homeless because god forbid something happens to my mother then I won't know what to do about anything. I would never survive out on the streets with my health condition. After all the research and interactions I have had on here I know that sodium nitrite is my only real answer. I ordered the poison and the anti-emetics. They are coming so I am going to store them in a safe place and when I need the I will use them.

 

[Clover]

We care.
But we also support your choices.
I'm not going to tell you what to do either way.
It is hard and CTB does take a lot of strength and confidence.
It's horrible that no one in your life seems to care about you :( or about shadow11. I wish I could change that.
If you want to talk feel free to pm me.
SN is one of my backups

 

[PatKat]

I realized after what I went through with Shadow11 that nobody really cares and that suicide is just a part of life. It really is not a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Looking back on it now I think that what she did took a lot of strength. Sometimes there is no answer and when you have no quality of life than nothing else matters. I know I should be thankful for having a place to live and all of my basic necessities, but I can't move forward with all the goals and dreams that I had in life. I hope this community accepts me back again. I was angry and confused about what happened, but at the end of the day I feel comfortable here. If it is really pro-choice here then I am hoping someone can give me some encouragement or really let me know that nothing can be done. I am so tired of my life. It has turned into non-stop doctors appointments and procedures. I am tired. This is not what I want to be doing. I want a normal life like I had where I go to work in the morning, come back in the evening, relax, and do it all over again during the work week. I am angry that I can't have my health back because of a medical fuck up. Money or comfort doesn't really mean anything when you don't have your health. I would trade all of my so called comforts just to have my health back. I just wish the medical community would tell me that there is nothing that can be done about your problem and you're better off dead. I'm sure that's how it is when you go to assisted suicide countries like Switzerland. They understand better than what the hell is going on here in America. Shadow11's story showed me just how much nobody gives a damn. She was abandoned by her family, screwed over by the mental health system, and she couldn't seem to get her health back no matter what. For anyone that questioned her death, I found out from the police department in her state after I requested a welfare check to be done on her. Afterwards I had a family member of hers contact me. They don't want to admit that they abandoned her which I know they did. She was stuck as a prisoner in her own home on the couch. If her family couldn't see this coming then they are complete idiots. I am going to keep trying to find my health, but at a certain point when I exhaust all my options then I know it's my time. I am saddened by it because I thought I had my whole life ahead of me, but that is no longer the case. I would even choose to be homeless and healthy than living with what I am currently. I can't even enjoy the simplest of things. If it does come down to suicide then I will know that I am making a permanent solution to a permanent problem as what I have is chronic and debilitating. Everyone on here knows that sometimes there is nothing that can really be done to change your situation no matter what your are dealing with. I always thought there was an answer, but in actuality there really isn't. I have to have a backup plan because if I end up homeless because god forbid something happens to my mother then I won't know what to do about anything. I would never survive out on the streets with my health condition. After all the research and interactions I have had on here I know that sodium nitrite is my only real answer. I ordered the poison and the anti-emetics. They are coming so I am going to store them in a safe place and when I need the I will use them.

We do care we just support each person in their choices. I am sorry you are feeling bad.

 

[bigj75]

I've noticed most suicides are because of bad upbringing from parents.

 

[Phro]

I've noticed most suicides are because of bad upbringing from parents.

I had one of the worst upbringings that I can imagine.

 

[bigj75]

I had one of the worst upbringings that I can imagine.

mine was pretty rough as well but I'm sure there have been worse than mine. It's so common people who commit suicide had bad childhoods.

 

[Morning Angel]

I understand your situation more than you know, and I am only sorry that this world operates in such a careless way. I know that if shadow could have found a way to keep living here and without pain, she probably would have explored it by now. Sounds like she was let down not just by our shitty systems but also the people in her life and I know the torment of that well. I hope you can make a good decision for yourself, regardless of what that is. Only you can know.

 

[akosineenee]

I never really knew Shadow11 but I'm sorry for what you went through with her death. I hope she's in peace. Good luck on whatever path you choose.

 

[Wantingpeace]

It is so frustrating shadow cantdecide..that is all I want too. Just normal existence where go out to work woild moan about work lol come home dinner tv bed..repeat. look forward to weekend.

Shadow was destroyed by psychiatry too? Understand if too hard to talk about.