ArgentApricot
Certified Shamash Hater
- Apr 6, 2024
- 28
Hello everyone, i don't know who still recognizes me here, since almost all the people i spoke to on a daily basis here have caught the bus.
I joined around half a year ago, after my last attempt. i have my CTB method ready(SN, Pams, AEs)
My goal from the start has been pretty clear, abandon everything, try to have the best life possible for the remainder of my time, and then exit.
I've stolen tons of money from the government and my bank. I spent all of it on concerts, festivals, and my dream vacation.
if i could keep living like this, i'd wanna go on a bit longer. i love going to concerts, and even though i told myself i wouldn't, I've made tons of good friends in the last half year.
The thing is though, nothing has really changed in my day to day. i feel happy at a concert or with my friends, then i crash hard when i get home, and i pretty much just lay in bed for several days until the next event. by quitting my job and stealing money, i went from my days being 99% misery to 95%.
The most miserable thing out of all of this is that i'm happier than i've been all my life, and it's still not enough to make me put in any effort to make my life better.
i feel the only thing i've achieved by only doing things that make me happy in the last half year, is make the suicide harder.
i have 1 concert and 2 more festivals to go to, and then it seems like the wick has burned out. i haven't paid rent in months, i'm getting kicked out at the end of the year, and i literally have a pile of bills on my floor now that i occasionally smile at out of spite.
Everything is how i want it to be, everything is how i planned. and still, a part of me wants to keep on going, but the moment i'm faced with the prospect of having to put in any type of effort to let it continue, i lose all hope. I think that i'm still gonna do it, but i'm going to shed more tears than i intended.
I joined around half a year ago, after my last attempt. i have my CTB method ready(SN, Pams, AEs)
My goal from the start has been pretty clear, abandon everything, try to have the best life possible for the remainder of my time, and then exit.
I've stolen tons of money from the government and my bank. I spent all of it on concerts, festivals, and my dream vacation.
if i could keep living like this, i'd wanna go on a bit longer. i love going to concerts, and even though i told myself i wouldn't, I've made tons of good friends in the last half year.
The thing is though, nothing has really changed in my day to day. i feel happy at a concert or with my friends, then i crash hard when i get home, and i pretty much just lay in bed for several days until the next event. by quitting my job and stealing money, i went from my days being 99% misery to 95%.
The most miserable thing out of all of this is that i'm happier than i've been all my life, and it's still not enough to make me put in any effort to make my life better.
i feel the only thing i've achieved by only doing things that make me happy in the last half year, is make the suicide harder.
i have 1 concert and 2 more festivals to go to, and then it seems like the wick has burned out. i haven't paid rent in months, i'm getting kicked out at the end of the year, and i literally have a pile of bills on my floor now that i occasionally smile at out of spite.
Everything is how i want it to be, everything is how i planned. and still, a part of me wants to keep on going, but the moment i'm faced with the prospect of having to put in any type of effort to let it continue, i lose all hope. I think that i'm still gonna do it, but i'm going to shed more tears than i intended.
