Venting No privacy

[jarin2]

The one and only reason I'm not hanging myself (full suspension) is because my sister lives with me in the same room all the time. I'm too socially anxious to do it outside.
Or even in the other rooms of our house. And everybody is always in the house and they're light sleeper. I wanna at least have a full night privacy where I can do it in peace relaxing and calming way. Someone might calling, knocking, banging on the door in the middle of it stresses me out soo much.

It's so frustrating. I cry every single day when I wake up, when I'm in the shower. Why do I wake up. Why. Why can it just end. Everyday I wake up and the suffocating dread of being alive claws at me. I just want it to be over.

I'm 24. I've been suicidal for 9 years. I have attempted 4 times. Rat poison, overdosing on high blood pressure pills and partial hanging twice.
Family doesn't know these. I acted like I had very bad food poisoning, I don't want anyone to know anything be
fore

 

[fadedghost]

The one and only reason I'm not hanging myself (full suspension) is because my sister lives with me in the same room all the time. I'm too socially anxious to do it outside.
Or even in the other rooms of our house. And everybody is always in the house and they're light sleeper. I wanna at least have a full night privacy where I can do it in peace relaxing and calming way. Someone might calling, knocking, banging on the door in the middle of it stresses me out soo much.

It's so frustrating. I cry every single day when I wake up, when I'm in the shower. Why do I wake up. Why. Why can it just end. Everyday I wake up and the suffocating dread of being alive claws at me. I just want it to be over.

I'm 24. I've been suicidal for 9 years. I have attempted 4 times. Rat poison, overdosing on high blood pressure pills and partial hanging twice.
Family doesn't know these. I acted like I had very bad food poisoning, I don't want anyone to know anything be
fore

Sorry you are feeling so unhappy. Is there a reason you are so sad, or are you just this way?

 

[jarin2]

Sorry you are feeling so unhappy. Is there a reason you are so sad, or are you just this way?

0 confidence, sevear social anxiety, I feel sick to go outside unless it's absolutely necessary like exams. physically weak since birth. Poor family. Atheist but have to act to do all the religious work bcs of religious family.

They want me to get a job. I can't do it, I can barely function passively. I'm living passively, distracting myself with internet for a long time. Only studying before exam. Getting the worst result in my class. Lying to my parents about result. Lying about studying for job preparation

The only time I'm not distracted when I wake up and when I'm in the shower. That's when I break down.

 

[fadedghost]

0 confidence, sevear social anxiety, I feel sick to go outside unless it's absolutely necessary like exams. physically weak since birth. Poor family. Atheist but have to act to do all the religious work bcs of religious family.

They want me to get a job. I can't do it, I can barely function passively. I'm living passively, distracting myself with internet for a long time. Only studying before exam. Getting the worst result in my class. Lying to my parents about result. Lying about studying for job preparation

The only time I'm not distracted when I wake up and when I'm in the shower. That's when I break down.

I'm sorry, that's rough. Sometimes people use aversion therapy to deal with anxiety. But I don't know if that would help. Sometimes remote jobs help if you are concerned about social anxiety and enduring working.

 

[jarin2]

Not for loser like me. Anyway thanks for listening. It means a lot

 

[makotoyuki]

I get it; I don't even have a bedroom.

I've been sleeping wherever I can in the house since I was 16 or 17 basically due to a lack of space.

For years, I've slept in the living room; I've even slept on the floor or the sofa. Luckily, these days I have a bed or something like one, anyway.

I tried doing it twice...

It just gave me a headache and a stomachache; I didn't tell anyone.

Not even having your own space being unable to have privacy or intimacy, or to do what you enjoy in peace breaks you down and causes extreme frustration.

I've come to accept that no matter how hard I work or how much effort I put in, I won't be able to get out of there.

I have to wait until nightfall to truly be myself to listen to music, wallow in feeling bad, or even just stare at the ceiling in the dark; it's frustrating.

 

[jarin2]

I get it; I don't even have a bedroom.

I've been sleeping wherever I can in the house since I was 16 or 17 basically due to a lack of space.

For years, I've slept in the living room; I've even slept on the floor or the sofa. Luckily, these days I have a bed or something like one, anyway.

I tried doing it twice...

It just gave me a headache and a stomachache; I didn't tell anyone.

Not even having your own space being unable to have privacy or intimacy, or to do what you enjoy in peace breaks you down and causes extreme frustration.

I've come to accept that no matter how hard I work or how much effort I put in, I won't be able to get out of there.

I have to wait until nightfall to truly be myself to listen to music, wallow in feeling bad, or even just stare at the ceiling in the dark; it's frustrating.

I get it; I don't even have a bedroom.

I've been sleeping wherever I can in the house since I was 16 or 17 basically due to a lack of space.

For years, I've slept in the living room; I've even slept on the floor or the sofa. Luckily, these days I have a bed or something like one, anyway.

I tried doing it twice...

It just gave me a headache and a stomachache; I didn't tell anyone.

Not even having your own space being unable to have privacy or intimacy, or to do what you enjoy in peace breaks you down and causes extreme frustration.

I've come to accept that no matter how hard I work or how much effort I put in, I won't be able to get out of there.

I have to wait until nightfall to truly be myself to listen to music, wallow in feeling bad, or even just stare at the ceiling in the dark; it's frustrating.

Why did our parents gave birth to us. When they knew very well they don't have resources to give their child a good life. It's so disgustingly selfish.

 

[Pluto]

 

[jarin2]

B

bathroom doesn't have any celling anchor or any sturdy anchor for full suspension. I soo much wish it did.

 

[tokyoboo]

Why did our parents gave birth to us. When they knew very well they don't have resources to give their child a good life. It's so disgustingly selfish.

This is so truee.. now my parents really hate me and idkk whyy, maybe cause i shouldn't have born or smtg. They see me as a thing which is useless and takes their money. And now they just don't want me and asking to get job and leave house, they say that they are ashamed of me when their friends ask what i do and all. Sometimes occasionally hit me for no reason at all and blame like i did some big mistake or smtg, I've recently graduated and can't find any job at this time and it's hard

 

[jarin2]

This is so truee.. now my parents really hate me and idkk whyy, maybe cause i shouldn't have born or smtg. They see me as a thing which is useless and takes their money. And now they just don't want me and asking to get job and leave house, they say that they are ashamed of me when their friends ask what i do and all. Sometimes occasionally hit me for no reason at all and blame like i did some big mistake or smtg, I've recently graduated and can't find any job at this time and it's hard

We didn't choose to be born. It was their choice to breed. All these wouldn't happen if we were never born.

Same situation here. Will graduate soon. Pressing me to get a job. I'm lying that I'm preparing for job exam.

I hate leaching from them. I wanna be free from them too. But it's just soo hard. I'm not capable for it.

 

[tokyoboo]

We didn't choose to be born. It was their choice to breed. All these wouldn't happen if we were never born.

Same situation here. Will graduate soon. Pressing me to get a job. I'm lying that I'm preparing for job exam.

I hate leaching from them. I wanna be free from them too. But it's just soo hard. I'm not capable for it.

I know how hard it is for you.. i didn't ask them to be born nor told them to pay for my studies, now they are saying like they had given me money and studies like donating money to beggar, saying that we paid your fees and all and shitt. Like I owe them smtg. They really want me to kick out of the house and want me dead , i know thatt for sure . Here the job market is so tough and not good at this time .

 

[makotoyuki]

Why did our parents gave birth to us. When they knew very well they don't have resources to give their child a good life. It's so disgustingly selfish.

Even I don't have an answer no certainty, just theories.

But it's pointless to bring that up with them; they'll just ignore you, reproach you, or laugh it off. The older they get, the worse it becomes.

They don't understand that everyone deserves their own space, privacy, and intimacy.

Why did our parents gave birth to us. When they knew very well they don't have resources to give their child a good life. It's so disgustingly selfish.

I've always held the view that parents who have large families see their children as pets, employees, or a future investment for when they need help.

(I should clarify that this doesn't necessarily apply only to large families; parents can behave the same way with fewer children though it's often worse in those cases, as the entire burden falls on just one or two of them.)

You put in the effort working or studying only to be criticized for the simplest, most basic things or compared to your siblings.